


Running Away

by GleekMom



Series: Ready to Fly [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Child Abuse, Homophobia, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-04-14 21:17:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4580475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleekMom/pseuds/GleekMom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 3 of the Ready to Fly Series: Blaine's been at Dalton for over a year and within its walls he's as safe as he's ever been.  That is until a boy arrives who teaches him that some things are worth the risk.  *Companion fic for Glee Season 2 from Silly Love Songs to Prom ***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Silly Love Songs

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working to get all of my works up on AO3, so here we go. 
> 
> Running Away follows season 2 from Silly Love Songs to Prom, using my backstory to fill in Blaine's thoughts, feelings and missing scenes. Given that, there are huge spoilers for that story as well as my subsequent stories, so read at you own risk.
> 
> From my own perspective, Running Away is the weakest of the whole series, so please remember that as you read. It's the story that I most rewrite canon scenes, which is something I stopped doing later on. If you would like to skip it, I'm more than happy for you to do so ;P. It's one of the first things I ever wrote, it was mostly to prove the point below and then grew into something far greater than I every could have imagined.
> 
> I often hear that Blaine's behavior in these episodes, especially BIOTA are "out of character." For me, they define his character. I don't think Blaine is perfect. I think Blaine is flawed and in pain, and that he puts on an act of perfection. I always thought that the coffee shop scene in BIOTA is the first and best glimpse into Blaine's true self and I still feel that way.
> 
> So thank you to those that inspired me, and thank you to those who encouraged me. This is for you.
> 
> I do not own Glee. There are many words in this story that are owned by Glee. I trust you know which ones those are.

Blaine was excited about Valentine's Day this year. It had been always his favorite holiday. For someone who grew up without much love, there was something magical about a day devoted to it. This year, for the first time, he was safe as well as out, far from the hateful eyes back home. The Sadie Hawkins dance last winter had been a disaster in so many ways, but this year he was determined to turn it around. He had his best friend Nick, he had a potential boyfriend, Jeremiah, and of course, there was Kurt.

Blaine was never able to get Kurt out of his head, as hard as he tried. When he had first seen him on the staircase, Blaine somehow knew his life was about to change forever, and he had some pretty wonderful ideas about how. Then Kurt transferred to Dalton and the game changed once again. He loved having his new friend at school with him, but dating was now out of the question. His father had made one of his many deals with Blaine, warning him that if he dated a Dalton student that he would not only be withdrawn from the all boys school, but that he would make him pay the price at home. So Blaine had promised, there was really nothing else he could do. He knew his father would make good on the threat and it terrified him. He had finally found a place he could call home and he wasn't about to lose that, not even for thrill of kissing Kurt's beautiful lips. So he pushed the feelings aside, and refused to allow the thoughts of what could be to enter his mind.

He was, therefore, thrilled that he had met the handsome blonde Jeremiah that day when he went shopping at the Gap, and was even more thrilled that Jeremiah had agreed to exchange numbers and meet for coffee. They had met twice now, and both times had gone well. Jeremiah was cute, nice, and most importantly for Blaine, he did not go to Dalton. Although nothing happened between them yet, Blaine could sense those butterflies creeping in, excited at the prospect of maybe having a boyfriend for the first time in his life; and not only for the first time, but for Valentine's Day. Although older and likely more experienced, Jeremiah had not made the next move so Blaine realized that if he really wanted this Valentine's Day to be special, he had to take matters into his own hands. So he enlisted the help of the Warblers at an emergency meeting of the council, and thanks to Kurt, the council agreed to help him sing to Jeremiah at a Gap Attack.

The teasing at the Warblers meeting had been relentless of course. It was always good natured, but the boys were never ending in their "kissy, kissy" faces and their snide remarks. He knew he should be angry, but he couldn't be. It was exactly how they treated Jeff every time he busted a move for a girl at a party, or Wes, whenever he went to serenade his girlfriend. He had missed out on this good natured teasing back in public school, his brother wasn't around anymore to do it, and truth be told, he secretly welcomed feeling like "just one of the boys."

The Warblers were fired up the day the boys went to the Gap, Blaine noticing that only Kurt was quiet. The guys' teasing had only gotten worse, and though it still didn't bother Blaine at all, Kurt had confided in him that he didn't like it at all and it felt a little like bullying. As much as Blaine tried to explain that it was ok, Kurt wanted no part of it. He had hoped that Kurt would at least be excited that the Warblers were finally breaking out of their stoic performances he found as conforming as the uniform they were made to wear. But Kurt had been quiet in rehearsals, and seemed distant on the ride over.

"Everything ok?" Blaine asked him as he drove. His own hands were shaking a little from nerves.

"What?" Kurt said, startled away from staring out the window. "Sure, I'm fine. Just nervous. I'm so used to things being thrown at me during performances."

"What are they going to throw at you at the Gap?" Blaine teased. "Socks?"

"Well, whatever they throw is mine to keep," Kurt retorted. Blaine felt Kurt taking in his nerves, and Kurt sighed. "You're going to be great Blaine. Who couldn't fall in love with you?"

Blaine's heart skipped a beat. He shook his head to clear it and glanced back at Kurt. "Thanks. I'm glad you're here."

Of course, the Gap Attack had ended in disaster. And it didn't escape Blaine's notice that out of everyone, Kurt was the one who was there as he saw his hopes fade of ever being able to just love someone with no cares or concerns. As everyone left the store after the performance, Nick halfheartedly asked Blaine if he should wait for him, but Trent and Jeff were pulling at him to go shopping at H&M.

"Don't worry," Kurt said, stepping up behind them, "I'll wait with him."

Blaine turned to Kurt and smiled his thanks. He'd never expect Kurt to give up a chance to go shopping, but his company was very much appreciated. Kurt just always made Blaine feel better, and right now he was nervous as hell. He felt kind of bad about Nick. After all, Nick was his best friend and he felt like he had been abandoning him lately to spend more time with Kurt. Blaine had convinced himself that it was because Kurt needed him. Nick, on the other hand, knew what Blaine refused to acknowledge and was happy to back off a bit to let Blaine figure it out. Besides, Nick had seen Jeremiah's reaction. He thought it was best if Kurt was there to pick up the pieces of Blaine's broken heart.

Blaine and Kurt sat outside the Gap, freezing, waiting for Jeremiah. Blaine was jumpy.

"Was it too much?" he asked turning to Kurt. At Kurt's silent look, he knew the answer. "Yeah, it was too much." He looked away, embarrassed.

Kurt was about to respond, when Jeremiah exited from the store. Blaine took a deep breath, gathered his courage, and jumped up. "Jeremiah, hey."

Jeremiah put his hood up and stared at Blaine, "What the hell were you doing?"

"What?" Blaine feigned innocence, trying desperately not to break down. This was not at all going the way he had hoped.

"I just got fired," Jeremiah told him. "You can't just bust a groove in the middle of somebody else's work place."

"But they loved it," Blaine insisted, desperately trying to hold onto both his dignity and his chances with Jeremiah.

"But my boss didn't," the blond answered. "Neither did I." Blaine's heart dropped. "No one here knows I'm gay."

Blaine could barely hear Kurt say something in the background. He had thought that Jeremiah was out. It was never his intention to out anyone. Blaine knew more than anyone how devastating that could be. But he also couldn't help but be angry. He had put himself out there, made a fool of himself. And now, he felt like Jeremiah had lied to him and led him on.

"Blaine, let's just be clear here. You and I got coffee twice. We're not dating. If we were I'd get arrested, cause you're underage." Jeremiah patted him on the shoulder, pulled his coat closed and walked away.

Blaine stared after Jeremiah, then looked at Kurt. He had no idea what had just happened, other than utterly humiliating himself beyond anything he could have ever imagined. Kurt looked at him regretfully.

"Come on," Kurt said, putting his arm around Blaine. "Let's get back to the guys. We'll do a little retail therapy."

* * *

"Uch," Blaine sneered at the Lima Bean the next morning. The Valentine's Day decorations were making him sick. He had been up all night thinking about Jeremiah; about how he had wanted someone to love so badly he had made it all up in his head. He had wanted this year to be better than last. He wondered if his desperation came from wanting to prove his father wrong. His father kept him hidden away in the closet. Having a boyfriend would have given him a small victory. Now he felt even worse. "Don't they have anything here that isn't covered with stupid little hearts? Gross."

"Well you certainly changed your tune," he heard Kurt say.

"I don't think I've  _ever_  made that big a fool of myself," he said turning to Kurt. "Which is really saying something because I've performed at theme parks." Kurt said nothing, but stared at Blaine with those blue-green eyes that drew the other boy in. Blaine took a deep breath and looked away, embarrassed. "I just can't believe I made it all up in my head." Blaine stared at the ground, afraid to look back at Kurt. He was supposed to be a mentor to him, and here he was, showing Kurt exactly what not to do.

"Ok, can I ask you something?" Blaine heard hesitation in Kurt's voice and turned to him. "Because we've always been completely honest with each other. You and I, we hang out, we sing flirty duets together, you know my coffee order. Was I supposed to think that was nothing?"

Blaine panicked. His stomach began to flutter, his head swam, while he fought to maintain every ounce of composure and nonchalance he could. He had no choice. It had to be nothing. "What do you mean?"

Kurt closed his eyes, and those gorgeous lashes, that beautiful face made all of Blaine's feelings for the boy rush to the surface. He was getting used to these moments though and he fought them as hard as he could as he listened to Kurt. "I thought the guy you wanted to ask out on Valentine's Day, was me."

Blaine turned away. That wasn't enough. He stepped away. This could not be happening. "Wow. I really am clueless." He wanted to turn to Kurt and shout  _Yes, it was!_  But he couldn't. He would lose everything; Dalton and the Warblers, the only place he ever felt safe and home, the friends that had become his family. Not to mention what his father would do to him for breaking his promise. When he thought only he had feelings, it was easy to forget. But now, it would always be there. And he just couldn't take the risk. His mind spun as he tried to find the right words. "Look Kurt, I don't know what I'm doing. I pretend like I do, and I know how to act it out in song, but the truth is…" Truth. He had to look away. What was doing even saying the word? He longed to tell Kurt the truth. He almost did, but he learned long ago that some secrets had to be kept. "I've never really been anyone's boyfriend," he finished.

"Me neither," Kurt smiled shyly.

Blaine hated himself. Yesterday he had been angry at Jeremiah for lying to him and today he was doing the same thing to Kurt. Lying to Kurt was something he never wanted to do. Kurt made him feel special and loved and important, in a way that no one else ever could. From the moment he met him, he knew that Kurt was sent to him. It was something he couldn't explain. But there were some secrets that weren't meant to be told and the things that happened in his family was one of them. Instead, he tried to express all he felt, in the only way he could. "Let me be really clear about something. I really, really care about you. But as you and about 20 mortified shoppers saw, I'm not very good at romance." He stared into those blue eyes, wanting more than anything to tell him how he truly felt. No, to show him how he truly felt. The pain he strangled his heart was almost more than he could bear. "I don't want to screw this up."

Kurt smiled. "So it's just like when Harry Met Sally. Only I get to play Meg Ryan."

"Deal," Blaine said before thinking. Blaine gazed at Kurt, both of their eyes so full of sadness, they needed to look away. Then it hit him. "Don't they get together in the end?"


	2. Blame It On the Alcohol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally written in two parts, but I'm putting them back together here.
> 
> Glee's words belong to Glee and not to me.

It had been a couple of weeks since Kurt told Blaine about his feelings, and despite Blaine's better judgment they continued to spend much of their time together. It was becoming more difficult every day. Blaine fought his own feelings as much as he could. On more than one occasion, he had to physically stop himself from taking the beautiful young man in his arms. The eyes Kurt made toward him drove deep into his soul, and before he could think, Blaine would lick his lips, or feel the nerves begin in his belly, or worst of all, he'd have to leave the room to escape complete embarrassment. This wouldn't do. Blaine had to do something, drastic and quick.

Nick had begun to notice as well. In one of those rare moments when Blaine wasn't attached at the hip, phone, or computer to Kurt, he sat down with his best friend in the dormitory common room Saturday morning over a game of canasta.

"What the heck is wrong with you lately?" Nick asked, throwing down a card.

"Nothing, I'm fine," Blaine lied, clasping the mask firmly on his face.

Nick just shook his head and laughed. "You may have the others fooled Anderson, but I know you better than anyone at this school. Except maybe Kurt," he instigated, glancing up at his friend.

"You know me better than Kurt," Blaine grumbled with frustration.

"Ah, but you don't want me to," noted Nick.

"Just drop it, Nick!" Blaine snapped a little more forcefully than he had meant. Nick took the hint and dropped the subject. He was worried for Blaine. He knew there was so much more under the surface than what the other guys could see. Whenever Blaine was upset, people assumed that it was about the stuff that went down at his old school, but Nick wasn't sure. He had noticed for a while now that Blaine was very different whenever he came back from visiting his parents. He never mentioned it, but he kept a keen eye on him on those days. Nick also knew that Blaine had feelings for Kurt, put continually pushed them away. He had tried a number of times to get to the bottom of that, but Blaine fought him each time.

"Any plans for the weekend?" Nick asked innocently.

"Kurt texted me earlier that there was a party he wanted us to go to. His friend Rachel, from his old school is throwing it. You remember her, from the Valentine's Day dinner?" Nick nodded. He remembered Kurt hugging her. "Do you think I should go? I don't want to get in trouble for fraternizing with the enemy," he smirked.

"Of course I think you should go," Nick told him. "You need to loosen up, have some fun for a change. Hang out with some regular high school kids, not stuck up yuppies like us."

"You guys aren't yuppies," Blaine laughed until his phone rang. He looked at it, and the smile dropped from his face. It was his father. Ignoring it wasn't an option and he took the call, turning away from Nick slightly. "Yes, Sir?"

Nick politely returned his attention to his cards, studying them as if there would be an exam the next day, but he listened intently to Blaine's conversation.

"Yes, Sir, actually I do have plans this weekend. I was invited to a party." Pause. "No Sir, it's not at Dalton." Nick heard Blaine hesitate and his voice shook as he explained. "Well, I'd be going with a friend from Dalton, but it's at his friend's house." Pause. "Her name is Rachel." Pause. "Yes it's a girl's party." Blaine rolled his eyes. "Yes Sir there will be other girls there." Pause. "Next weekend? Yeah sure, I can come if Mom really wants me to. Ok, see you then."

Blaine pressed the end button and put the phone on the table. He was sweating, his heart was racing, and he realized he needed to slow his breathing. Just as he thought he might pass out, he heard a voice and his tunnel vision disappeared.

"Guess you're going to the party then, huh?" Nick smirked at him.

Blaine exhaled strongly and laughed. "Guess so," he smiled.

* * *

It had taken Blaine a while to decide what to wear to the party. He had wanted to make a good impression on Kurt's friends. The boys had all encouraged him to go. Jeff had told him to get piss drunk. Nick said maybe not  _piss_  drunk, but did encourage him to loosen up and have a good time. He told Blaine that if he needed to be picked up for whatever reason, he'd be around. Blaine assured him that he would be fine.

It wasn't long after they arrived that he got his first drink, once Puck had opened up the liquor cabinet. He wanted to follow his friend's advice and loosen up but he didn't want to make a fool of himself. He found though, that after that first Rum and Coke, Kurt was starting to look a little too damn good. His red shirt, black tie, and amazingly sexy tight black pants were driving Blaine crazy. He quickly grabbed another drink to try and drown those feelings.

So it came as no surprise that he was excited as hell to play Spin the Bottle. He was too drunk by that point to be nervous about kissing Kurt, at least then he'd have an excuse. In his head he was yelling,  _Kurt, Kurt, Kurt_ , as he tried to magically make the bottle follow his commands. Sam and Brittany kissed, then Rachel took a turn. He again cheered the bottle on as he watched it spin and slow and point to him. He cheered and looked up to see Rachel leaning in.

"Blaine Warbler, I'm gonna rock your world," she sang through the liquor.

Blaine broke out into a goofy grin. He had never kissed a girl before. He had only really kissed a boy once before. As drunk as he was though all he could think was it was just a game and  _experience is experience, right? All the better for when I finally do get to kiss Kurt._ And before he truly had time to analyze that thought, Rachel's lips were on him. It was wet, and sloppy, but her lips were soft and though his belly didn't flutter, it felt nice. He thought he should pull away, but she wasn't and he didn't. Instead he leaned in further and gently placed his hand in her hair. He closed his eyes and gave in to all of his pent-up feelings for Kurt, putting them on Rachel.  _If only my father could see me now_ , he thought.

* * *

He was awoken the next morning by the sound of someone screaming. He put his hand to his head.

"Oh, where am I?" he muttered to himself.

He didn't remember at all where he was, or how he got there. He remembered little of last night. He let his throbbing head drop back down to the soft pillow.  _Wait, was that Kurt? Was that Kurt's Dad?_

"I'll deal with my Dad, Blaine, don't worry about it," he heard Kurt say in a hungover fog. "I left some towels in the bathroom for you, whenever you're ready. Some ibuprofen and a glass of water is in there too."

He waited for his head to stop pounding in his ears and the wave of nausea to pass. After a few minutes he finally opened his eyes and sat up, alone, in what he could only imagine was Kurt's bedroom. As his senses returned, he realized that of course it was Kurt's room, it smelled entirely of Kurt. How he had gotten there and what had happened last night was a complete blur. He remembered drinking. He remembered singing with Rachel. He remembered kissing Rachel. He remembered thinking maybe his father would like him then.

He needed to get out of there. He grabbed his phone from the little shelf next to Kurt's bed and checked his messages. Two from Nick last night and one from this morning.

**From Nick (8:42pm): Hope everything is going well. Call or Text if you need me.**

**From Nick (11:00pm): Guess things are going fabulous, because you just missed curfew. See you in the morning, lover boy.**

**From Nick (9:26am):  We're all headed to the mall. Please at least let us know you're ok.**

Blaine sent a quick text back to Nick, telling him he was fine and would be coming back to Westerville soon. He left out the part about being at Kurt's house. He really didn't want any of them to get the wrong idea.

He took a shower and got dressed. Kurt had left him a clean shirt and he put on his pants from the night before. Thank goodness he hadn't gotten sick, although they still smelled a bit like alcohol. He figured he would just change as soon as he got back to campus. Well, maybe he would keep Kurt's shirt on.

By the time he got downstairs, Kurt's Dad had left to go to the garage already.

"Do you want some breakfast, Blaine?" Kurt asked him.

"I really should get going back to school," Blaine said, embarrassed about everything.

"Take some toast at least," said Kurt, handing him two slices on a napkin. "It won't be good for you to drive on an empty stomach."

"Thanks Kurt," Blaine said earnestly, looking him in the eye. "Really. Thank you for inviting me."

Kurt stood still for a moment, then smiled with adoring eyes. "Anytime, Blaine. I'm glad you had fun."

"See you tomorrow?" Blaine asked politely.

"Of course. See you tomorrow."

* * *

Blaine returned to Dalton, happy to find the dorms fairly empty as most of the guys spent their Sundays off campus. He knew his friends were hanging out at the mall and seeing a movie this evening. They had invited him, but he politely declined with the excuse of a hangover. Which was not very far from the truth. Blaine reached his room, kept the light turned off and lowered the blinds in his windows. He crashed on his bed and closed his eyes. He fought his psyche between replaying the events of the night before and trying to forget all about him. He had kissed Rachel. In front of Kurt. What the hell had he been thinking?

But he knew exactly what he had been thinking. He had to stay as far away from Kurt as possible. His feelings for the boy were starting to become overwhelming and he just couldn't let that happen. Even in his drunken state he knew where danger and safety lay. Kurt was dangerous for him, more dangerous than anyone understood. Rachel, on the other hand, could be a life saver. A floatation device. Something to keep him above water until he was able to let go without drowning. The kiss had felt nice. It wasn't amazing, there were no fireworks, but it wasn't bad. And as much as he hated it, he could not erase the image of his father proud of him; his mother happy. He refused to lie to himself, he wouldn't become someone he was not for their sake. But if he couldn't have Kurt, maybe it was worth trying to see if something like that could make him happy for the time being.

* * *

Blaine spent the entirety of the next Warblers rehearsal being teased by each and every one of his chorus brothers after Kurt told them everything that had happened at the party. Blaine tried hard to not let their good natured teasing get to him, but he couldn't help the anger that was starting to surface. He hadn't wanted everyone to know. He had taken the gentle ribbing about Jeremiah as a sign that he was one of the boys, but this was different. He could see Nick looking at him funny. He got through it all as best as he could but Kurt didn't stop when rehearsal was over. Blaine considered not going to the Lima Bean with him after rehearsal, but he loved that time together and he hoped maybe away from the Warblers, Kurt would stop harping on it. But he didn't.

"I didn't drink that much," Blaine insisted, trying to end the conversation. When Kurt Hummel was on a roll though, it took a lot to stop him, especially when his sarcasm came from his own nerves and discomfort.

"Are you kidding, you spent the entire night sucking Rachel Berry's face." Kurt laughed. "That Sir, is what we call rock bottom."

Blaine was thankful when his cell phone vibrated, but his heart leapt when he pulled it out from his coat and glanced at the number. "Oh my God, speak of the devil." He hit the answer button.  _Just stay calm,_ he thought while his heart raced. "Hi Rachel, Kurt and I were just talking about you." Blaine could tell that Rachel was acting a bit funny on the other end of the phone, and when Kurt asked if she was drunk, he felt pretty sure that she was. She asked him to go on a date. He looked away from Kurt and an image of his parents flashed in his mind. He said yes and hung up the phone.

He thought of not telling Kurt, but news traveled faster amongst New Directions than even amongst the Warblers. He was sure Mercedes already knew. Better Kurt hear it from him. "Rachel just asked me out," he laughed nervously to Kurt.

"That is amazing," Kurt laughed back. "She's got a girl crush on you."

Blaine couldn't look at Kurt. He had told Kurt he cared about him. He had told him he didn't want to mess it up. And yet, here he was, doing exactly that. And on purpose too. He felt the urge to run, and took the opportunity to throw out his coffee trash and grab another sugar. He had kissed her and it hadn't felt bad. He hated living his life to please his father, and yet, wouldn't life be so much easier if he did? At least for the visit this weekend?

"Wait a second," Kurt asked, "Why did you say yes? You can't lead her on."

"Who says I'm leading her on?" He turned back to Kurt. He tried to look at him, but he couldn't. God those eyes could make him melt. All he wanted was to be perfect in those eyes but he wasn't perfect at all. He and Kurt were an impossibility. It killed him, but it would destroy everything. No, he had to give Rachel a chance. Not for his father, but for himself.

"You can't be serious." Kurt's face was full of anger and pain and Blaine knew that he had caused it. And yet instead of just letting it go he tried to explain.

"When we kissed," he looked at Kurt. He was determined to look at Kurt, to convince Kurt. "It felt good." He was determined to convince himself. Kurt's anger grew but Blaine wasn't going to change his mind about this. If he couldn't get Kurt's approval he needed his acceptance or at least he needed Kurt to just stop. He needed to do this, whether Kurt liked it or not. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt Kurt or make him mad, but Kurt was going too far. And yet he cared too much to just walk away.

"Why are you so angry?" Blaine asked, knowing exactly why he was so angry.

"Because I look up to you. I admire how proud you are of who you are," Kurt said.

Blaine looked away. At this moment, he didn't feel proud at all. He wasn't strong. He wasn't courageous. He tried desperately to be all those things, but at every turn, his father ripped it all out from under him. He knew what he was to Kurt, what mask he had put up for Kurt. He had made a mistake trying to be a mentor. What the hell kind of mentor was he really when he spent half his life hiding who he was?

Kurt continued. "I know what it's like to be in the closet, and here you are about to tiptoe back in." The words stung Blaine as sharply as his father's hand. He couldn't listen to Kurt's arguments and reprimands anymore. It was his own fault for lying to Kurt, to Nick, to everyone, for so long. But it didn't matter how true Kurt's words were, and they were true, because he couldn't let himself be talked out of this. All he could imagine was one weekend of telling his father about a date with Rachel. One weekend of freedom and acceptance and love. What is really too much to ask for? He knew Kurt couldn't possibly understand, but how dare he judge him for it?

"I'm really sorry if this hurts your feelings, or your pride, or whatever. But however confusing it might be for you, it's actually a lot more confusing for me. You're 100% sure of who you are. Fantastic." Thoughts of Kurt's father and his unwavering support fueled his anger and jealousy boiled up. "Well, maybe we all can't be so lucky," he snapped wryly.

"Yeah, I've had a lot of luck, Blaine, I was really lucky to be chased out of High School by a bully who threatened to kill me," Kurt retorted

"And why did he do that?" Blaine asked angrily.

"Because he didn't like who I was." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Sort of exactly what you're saying to me right now, isn't it." Blaine paused. He didn't want to hurt Kurt. His heart and emotions were flying away from him where his brain didn't want him to go. He wanted so much for Kurt to understand that he was only trying to survive in the best way he knew how. "I'm searching, ok? I'm honestly just trying to figure out who I am. And for you of all people to get down on me for that, I didn't think that's who you were." He had to leave before he said something he really regretted. Kurt had never seen his temper before and he really didn't want to start now. "I'll see ya. I'd say  _bye_ , but I wouldn't want to make you angry." Too late. Blaine turned to the door without looking back. Maybe it was too late for everything.

* * *

Blaine returned to Dalton after his date with Rachel with no concerns of missing curfew, they were both home before 10pm. He had a really good time seeing Love Story at the Revival Theater, even dressing up as the characters, but he spent much of the date imagining how much better it would have been if Kurt had been there too. Blaine found Rachel to be very fun to hang out with, and he could imagine that the two could have a very special friendship. But there was something missing. He hadn't kissed her. He had frankly been afraid to know for sure that there was no spark.

Blaine went to his dorm to freshen up. He braced for the comments, hoots and hollers from the boys, but there were none. Even Jeff and Wes just greeted him warmly without pressing him for details. He saw David eyeing him and texting. Nick must have talked to them all after noticing how uncomfortable he was with the teasing earlier in the week. Nick noticed things that others didn't, and he always took care of Blaine. Blaine tried to lie down in his bed, but after only a few minutes of restlessness and inability to sleep, he decided to make his way to the Warbler rehearsal room. He still had an hour before curfew, and he needed some music to think.

Nick received David's text that Blaine was back, and a few minutes later he had headed out of the dorms. He was very concerned about his friend. Blaine had been especially tight-lipped about this date with Rachel. Plus, he could see that things between him and Kurt had been strained ever since they left after Warbler rehearsal on Monday. Nick had a pretty good idea why. Kurt had been one of the boys harping on Blaine the most, telling everyone about Blaine's scheduled date. It had been very out of character for Kurt; Kurt was usually so supportive of everyone. He was sure that the idea of this date was uncomfortable and hurting both of his friends, and he hated to see it.

Nick found Blaine in the rehearsal room, sitting at the piano. His hazel-eyes seemed to be elsewhere, staring blankly at the wall and not at the piano keys where his fingers danced. Nick could clearly make out the tune of Baby, It's Cold Outside, and a small smile crossed his lips. He walked over to the piano and leaned on it. Blaine snapped out of his daydream and looked over to Nick.

"Hey," Blaine said. Nick noticed he looked tired. Sad and tired.

"Hey yourself. It's a little late for Christmas," he said with a smirk. "But sometimes it's nice to remember the good times."

"Kurt hates me," Blaine grumbled.

"You're an idiot." That caught Blaine's attention. "Kurt does  _not_  hate you. He may be angry. He is definitely confused." Nick paused, looking at Blaine. "Must admit, he's not the only one."

Blaine turned back to the piano keys, playing something Nick didn't recognize. Likely an original song Blaine had penned but not yet shared. They sat wordless for a minute, then Blaine broke the silence. "Is your Dad proud of you Nick?"

Nick understood the question was loaded, but answered honestly. "Yes, he is."

"I want to know what that feels like, even if it is just for a day."

Nick reached to Blaine's hands, and clasped one off the keyboard, pausing his music. Blaine looked up at his best friend, tears in his eyes. "If you pretend that you're straight Blaine, he won't be proud of  _you_. He'll be proud of himself," Nick said. "But what's most important is that  _you_  won't be proud of you either.

Blaine took a minute then rose from the piano. He walked over to the window, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched. Not at all the confident and dapper young man he typically portrayed himself to be. He gazed out the window at the sprawling Dalton Academy campus; his freedom, his home. "You don't understand," he told Nick quietly.

Nick looked at him, the vulnerable little boy inside the shell he showed the world. His heart bled for him. "You're right, I don't understand everything. But there is one thing I do understand. You are running away. You are doing everything you can to run away from Kurt." He paused, letting his words sink in. He knew Blaine heard, but the boy remained quiet. "Blaine, you have your reasons, and I know you think you're doing what you have to, for whatever those reasons are. But when you are ready, there will come a moment," he said walking closer to him, "when you will decide it's time to stop running."

Blaine turned to him with tears in his eyes, but his throat was constricted. He had no words. He couldn't imagine how long it might take him to get to that moment.

"Come on," Nick said, putting is arm around his friend, "it won't do for either of us to miss curfew. You have a visit home tomorrow."

Blaine turned to him and, to Nick's surprise, laughed. "I thought you were supposed to be cheering me up?"

"Well," Nick said as they walked out together, "Just think of it as a reprieve from Jeff and Wes and David. You think they can hold back from teasing you for the entire weekend? Rachel Berry? I mean really, Blaine?"

Blaine playfully shoved Nick away as both boys broke out in giggles as they returned to their dorms.

* * *

Kurt hadn't called or texted him all weekend. Blaine had struggled at home, but tried to have a good time with his Mom. The two went to the mall to go shopping, and their day had been pleasant. Blaine checked his phone frequently, so used to Kurt texting him throughout the day, but there was nothing. Dinner Saturday night had been uncomfortable as usual. Blaine sat across from his father, after having avoided him as much as possible all day.

"How was that party you went to last weekend?" Colonel Anderson asked expectantly.

"It was fine, Sir," Blaine answered, his heart starting to race.

"Meet any interesting girls," he asked with his eyebrow raised. "Maybe someone you could bring to the next event at the base?"

He had planned to tell his Dad about his date with Rachel…his  _kiss_  with Rachel at the party. He had anticipated this moment for a week. He had pictured his father's smile, maybe a pat on the shoulder or a hug. A moment of camaraderie that he had seen other fathers and sons engage in and had wistfully always dreamed of. But staring back at the stern and unemotional man in front of him, a man he feared as much as loved, he thought of Nick's words. At Dalton, it was easy to focus on the dreams he held dear, of a father who loved him and accepted him. But sitting across from the man, Blaine realized that indeed his dignity was more important than his father's conditional affection. His father's pride, at the expense of his own, was not a sacrifice he was willing to make. He had come too far for that and he was far too strong. It didn't change his confusion about things with Rachel, but he would figure that out on his own without regard for what anyone else thought.

"No, Sir," he told the Colonel. "I guess I'm still waiting for the right person."

* * *

Blaine walked into the Lima Bean Monday afternoon, heading straight to the line. He was lost in his own world, after an exhausting week. He hadn't made his usual plans with Kurt. It seemed the boy was avoiding him all day at school. Warblers rehearsal today had been demanding for him, reducing the awkwardness between him and Kurt. The council had kept him busy rehearsing his vocals with Wes, while the rest of the guys worked on choreography. Blaine glanced over to Kurt a number of times, and he always caught Kurt just looking away. Neither had said anything to the other, and Kurt left rehearsal talking to Jeff and Trent. Blaine drove off to the Lima Bean alone.

He hadn't noticed Rachel or Kurt sitting at a nearby table, and was surprised when Rachel approached him in line. He had never seen her at the coffee shop before, but in a way, he was glad. After everything that had happened over the weekend, he had wanted to talk with her.

"Hey Rachel," he said with a smile, "what's going on…"

Rachel melted just a little at the way his eyes crinkled with that smile. She stepped in and grabbed him by the shoulders, pressing her lips firmly into his. Blaine stood there in shock, then closed his eyes. As he felt Rachel's soft, warm lips on his, he waited for the butterflies, the heat, the dizziness that overtook his body when he dreamed of kissing Kurt, but he felt…nothing. She pulled away, smiling softly at him, but he only stared at her in wonder. He was certain that this was not at all what he wanted. It wasn't even a game that he could play along with any longer.

A small smile came across his lips as he stared over his shoulder at Kurt, beautiful Kurt, who stared back at him expectantly. Suddenly, it was so clear. He nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement. He wouldn't lie to his father, not about his sexuality. He wouldn't pretend to be someone he wasn't. Someday, somehow there would be a moment, when he was safe to love who he wanted, with no threats and no repercussions. And he would wait patiently until that moment came.

He glanced back and forth between Rachel and Kurt with resolve that only strengthened since dinner with his father. "Yup, I'm gay. 100% gay. Thank you so much for clearing that up for me Rachel." Blaine looked once again at Kurt and felt the need to freshen up. He turned back to Rachel. "Listen save my space in line, will ya? I have to go hit the restroom. "

Blaine returned to the dining area a few minutes later, to see Rachel had gone and Kurt was waiting for him, leaning against the counter, holding two coffees in his hand. He looked sexy as ever and smiled smugly.

"Medium Drip, Sir?" Kurt held out the coffee for him and Blaine reached over with a smile to take it. Neither moved, as they studied the other, smiles fading into seriousness.

Blaine thought about all that had happened the last few weeks. He was very well aware that he had hurt Kurt. He had acknowledged Kurt's feelings for him, told him he didn't want to mess it up, and then, of course, did everything in his power to do so. And yet, Kurt was standing here, gazing at him with love and insecurity in his eyes. "I'm sorry," Blaine admitted softly. While he wasn't sorry for the journey he'd taken, he was most definitely sorry that Kurt had been hurt in the process.

"I'm sorry too," Kurt admitted, shuffling a bit and cocking his hip out to the side, an unconscious move that did not go unnoticed by Blaine. "I shouldn't have said those things I said."

Blaine resisted every urge to kiss him, instead holding his hand out for Kurt. "Truce?" he asked.

Kurt did not hesitate to take Blaine's hand in his. "Truce," he agreed. Smiling brightly, the two walked to their usual table, hand in hand, and immediately started catching each other up on all that they had missed.


	3. Sexy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glee's words belong to Glee, not me.

"How are we supposed to get up on the stage at Regionals and sell sexy to the judges when I have as much sexual appeal and knowledge as a baby penguin," Kurt yelled.

Blaine smiled at him adoringly. "We'll figure something out." Kurt looked back at him in shock.

Blaine felt an overwhelming need to erase every ounce of Kurt's embarrassment. He never wanted Kurt to feel that way. He held his arms out, "Come here."

Kurt looked up at him, eyes wide with too many emotions behind them for Blaine to decipher, then slowly got up and fell into Blaine's arms. Blaine loved the feel of Kurt in his arms, and he tightened his hold just a bit, relishing in the warmth.

"Kurt, you're trembling!" He held the boy closer, closing his eyes and placing his chin on Kurt's shoulder. This was dangerous territory for Blaine, but he allowed himself, just for a moment, to breathe in Kurt's scent of vanilla and lavender that was now mixed with the aroma of bubble soap. His felt his body stir, and he immediately pulled away. Of course his body would betray him, especially when all he wanted was to stay as close to the boy as he could, for as long as Kurt would let him.

"Blaine, I can't do this. I'm not sexy. I have no idea how to be sexy. It's going to be my fault if the Warblers lose at Regionals."

Kurt's lack of self-confidence always pulled at Blaine's heartstrings. To Blaine, Kurt was the sexiest, most beautiful, and most endearing person he had ever met and he wanted Kurt to know it. Blaine gave a small start as an idea popped into his head.

"Come on," he said grabbing Kurt's hand.

"Where are we going?"

"Back to your house. We are going to get you sexified!"

* * *

Sitting next to Kurt, alone in his bedroom staring into the mirror, Blaine realized this may be the worst idea he had ever had. He constantly told himself he needed to stay away, but Kurt was like a favorite song taking hold in his mind all day; no matter how hard he tried, nothing could replace him. Now, against every better judgment, he found himself in Kurt's bedroom helping him discover how to display his sex appeal to the entire world. On the one hand, he wanted to keep it a secret just for himself, but he knew that wasn't fair. He wanted Kurt to know; no he  _needed_ Kurt to know just how desirable he was. If Blaine couldn't show him in all the ways he had dreamed about, the least he could do was help Kurt see it in himself.

"Alright, so give me," Blaine said, staring at Kurt and himself in the mirror of Kurt's bedroom, "Sexual. But don't make fun of it, like really try."

Blaine watched as Kurt made a face in the mirror that reminded him of a cat growling.  _Curious_ , he thought.

"Alright, now give me…sultry," he said, demonstrating himself. Kurt made another attempt that looked remarkably like the first. Blaine couldn't help but laugh. Kurt had no idea how truly sexy he just was when he didn't try so hard.

"Uh…Kurt, they're all kinda looking the same," he pointed out, amused.

"That's because the face I am actually doing is uncomfortable." Kurt got up and walked away." This is pointless, Blaine, I don't know how to be sexy because I don't know the first thing about sex."

Blaine's heart stopped for a moment. He knew that Kurt was innocent, but he had imagined that by 16 years old, Kurt would have known at least as much as he did. While his own father would never talk about sex with him, it surprised him that Kurt's father hadn't. The red in Kurt's cheeks made Blaine's blood rush through his veins. "Kurt you're blushing." If that wasn't the most adorable thing Blaine had ever seen, he would eat his Dalton tie.

"I've tried watching  _those_  movies," Blaine stared at Kurt. His mind spun out of control with images, and his face blushed while he fought to maintain his composure. Blaine had seen the movies that Kurt talked about, and for a second he considered the idea of them watching one together. He quickly pushed that disastrous but breathtaking thought out of his mind. "But I just get horribly depressed and I think about how they were all kids once and they all have mothers and God what would their mother's think and why would you get that tattoo there?" Kurt rambled uncomfortably **.**

"Then maybe we should have a conversation about it? I'll tell you what I know," he said swirling to sit cross-legged on Kurt's bench.

Kurt vigorously shook his head and cut Blaine off. "No, I don't want to know the graphic details. I like romance. That's why I like Broadway musicals, because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets."

Blaine loved Broadway musicals for the songs. Somehow, the words of the great lyricists were always able to express how he felt when his own brain just stumbled. He wished he could just sing to Kurt now, tell him everything he was thinking and feeling.  Tell him the truth of the world in which he was trapped.

"Kurt, you're going to have to learn about it someday," he said seriously.

"Well, not today," Kurt said with extreme discomfort. "I think I've learned quite enough for today, thank you. I think you should leave."

Blaine considered trying to change his mind, but he could see that the conversation had made Kurt incredibly uncomfortable. He got up and left the room without another word. On his way through the house, he saw Finn sitting on the couch with a bowl of chips. They greeted each other, and Finn looked at Blaine confused as he took off out the door to his car.

* * *

Blaine drove around for a while, not wanting to go back to Dalton. He was still thinking of Kurt. He couldn't get out of his head how scared and confused and embarrassed Kurt was just to talk about sex with him. If that were the case…no, he couldn't let his mind even go there. But if he couldn't be with Kurt, he was terrified about the guys that might try and take advantage of him when he wouldn't be able to protect him. Blaine knew the right person for Kurt to talk to about this, but the idea of talking to him himself terrified Blaine. He'd barely met Kurt's father, and that was when he had woken up in his son's bed. He couldn't imagine Mr. Hummel liked him very much at this point. Not to mention that Blaine and fathers didn't tend to get along. Or at least, he didn't get along with his own father. He drove around town one more time, but once again, landed right in front of Hummel Tires & Lube. His heart was telling him to stop the car and go in, and Blaine was well aware that if he didn't do it now he never would. He parked in one of the spots in back of the shop, and took a deep breath, putting on the mask he showed the world. He tucked in his scarf, put his hands in his pocket, and walked in. He found the man working under the hood of a gold Chevy Camaro.

"Need a hand?" Blaine attempted to be casual, as if it was an everyday occurrence for him to stop by. Mr. Hummel glanced up and stared him down. Blaine felt his confidence waiver. Perhaps this was a bad idea.

"Yeah, why don't you hand me that carburetor."

Blaine turned to the box of parts and quickly identified the carburetor, saying a silent thank you to his father for the first time in a very long time. Mr. Hummel came alongside him. "How'dya know which one it was?" Kurt's father asked curiously.

"My Dad and I rebuilt a 59 Chevy in our driveway 2 years ago." Blaine thought back to that summer when he had just told his parents he was gay. It was not a pretty time in the Anderson household, but as he always did, Blaine tried to laugh it off. "One of his many attempts at bonding."

"You here looking for parts?"

"No, actually, I wanted to talk to you about Kurt."

"Is he ok?" Blaine was surprised at Mr. Hummel's instant concern for Kurt. He allowed himself to wonder, just for a moment, what that might be like, but it hurt too much and he turned away.

"Have you ever talked to him about," he hesitated, "sex?"

Mr. Hummel instantly jumped on him. "Are you gay? Or Straight? Or what?"

Coming from the intimidating man, the question made Blaine bristle, but he was here for a reason and wasn't going to back down now. He looked Mr. Hummel straight in the eye with all the courage he could muster, and admitted, "I'm definitely gay."

"Ok good," Burt answered, "I mean, whatever, but good for Kurt, he needs someone like  _you_  to talk to."

"Well, that's kind of my point, I've tried talking to him but he basically puts his fingers in his ears and starts singing."

"Well when he's ready," Mr. Hummel turned to him with a small smile of satisfaction, "he'll listen."

As awkward as this was, Blaine couldn't give up. "I'm worried that it might be too late." Mr. Hummel looked up at him. "You know Dalton doesn't even have sex ed classes? Most schools don't and the ones that do almost never discuss what sex is like for gay kids." He understood Mr. Hummel's embarrassment, he guessed he'd never taken the time to educate himself, but Blaine was desperate to convince him. He allowed himself, just for the moment for Kurt's sake, to lower the walls and the mask and expose his true feelings. "Kurt is the most moral and compassionate person I've ever met."

"Well, he gets that from his mother."

"And I am blown away by your guys' relationship. Do you think my Dad built a car with me because he loves cars?" Blaine's anger and sadness showed through clearly. "I think he did it because he thought getting my hands dirty might make me straight."

"He talk to you about this…kinda stuff?"

Blaine nearly fainted at the thought of his father even entertaining the idea of talking to Blaine about sex once he came out. "No, I had to go find it for myself. The internet is great and all the information is out there, but I went searching for it. Kurt won't. And one day he'll be at a party and maybe have a few drinks and he'll meet some guy and start fooling around," he told himself this was why he was having this conversation, but the thought almost broke Blaine's heart. He continued despite himself. "and he's not going to know about using protection, STDs." He paused, approaching Mr. Hummel. "I don't have the relationship with my Dad that you have with Kurt." He felt his walls almost crumble to the ground, and he knew he had to get out of there before he made a huge mistake. "I think it would be really cool if you took advantage of that. I'm sorry if I'm overstepping."

"You are," Mr. Hummel responded.

Blaine just nodded and backed out of the shop. He nearly ran to his car, and sat behind the steering wheel waiting for his adrenaline to slow. There were only a few moments in Blaine's life so far where he had come close to telling someone about all he suffered at home. This was one of them. Mr. Hummel was embarrassed, but there was no doubt in Blaine's mind that Kurt had all the love and acceptance and support from his father that Blaine had always dreamed of from his own. He suddenly realized that he wanted Mr. Hummel's respect almost as much as he wanted Kurt's love. He prayed that nothing he had said today had ruined that.

* * *

Kurt went up to his room, threw his pamphlets on the shelf, and crashed on his bed. He had never been more embarrassed in his life. Ok, that may not be true, but this was definitely up there. He had just rubbed away the red in his face when his phone rang. He saw the caller and his blush returned as he answered.

"Hey!" Blaine said cheerfully before Kurt could say a word.

"Hey."

Blaine could hear the distress in Kurt's voice and grew concerned. "What's the matter?"

"Oh nothing," Kurt said sarcastically. "My Dad just decided to give me 'the talk', pamphlets and all."

"Oh…cool," he said hesitantly. His heart beat a little faster. He was glad that Mr. Hummel had talked to Kurt, but he nervously wondered if Mr. Hummel had said anything about their conversation.

"Yeah," Kurt scoffed. "It's cool if  _you're_ not the one talking about sex with Burt Hummel."

Blaine was quiet. Clearly Kurt didn't know that it  _was_ him who had talked about sex with Burt Hummel. He had planned on telling Kurt, but had wanted to do it in person. He wasn't sure if Kurt would be mad at him or thank him and it would be easier to calm Kurt if he was in front of him. Still…

"Blaine? You still there?" Kurt interrupted Blaine's thoughts. He decided to be honest. He knew it would be even uglier if he found out later from his Dad.

"Kurt, there's something I need to tell you."

"I'm listening."

"So, I kind of ran into your Dad after our conversation and maybe suggested he talk to you about sex."

Blaine heard the phone crash. "Kurt? KURT?" The phone shuffled for a moment, and then Kurt picked it up off the floor and screeched in his ear.

"You WHAT?" Kurt's pitch was higher than Blaine had ever heard and his voice dripped with sarcasm. "What, was my Dad in the music store when you were picking out new guitar picks? Or in the comic book shop as you browsed the TinTin paraphernalia? Or maybe he just happened to stop by the Lima Bean for a nonfat caramel latte for the first time ever."

"Kurt, you're frantic, stop," Blaine pleaded. This conversation would have gone so much better in person. "I just stopped by the garage."

"Oh, of course, you just stopped by the garage." Blaine could almost feel the acid on his tongue. "Car needed an oil change? Oh, by the way Mr. Hummel, while you're doing a lube job on my car, let's talk about Kurt and how he knows nothing in the world about sex."

"Kurt please, it wasn't like that. I was worried about you after I left your house. I just…want you to be prepared. What happens when you go to a party at Puck's house and get drunk? I don't want some guy…"

"There aren't going to be any gay guys at a Puckerman party, Blaine," Kurt spat back.

"Well fine," Blaine conceded, trying desperately to salvage the conversation. "What about Regionals? There are plenty of guys there who would be interested in you and the parties that are thrown afterward are legendary. What if you hook up with someone from Vocal Adrenaline?"

"Stop, Blaine, just stop," Kurt insisted. "Why are you doing this?"

Blaine closed his eyes. If he couldn't be with Kurt, he wanted him to be safe and happy with someone else. "I just want you to feel comfortable and safe. I don't want you sitting off on the sidelines because you're scared. I want you to put yourself out there," he attempted to explain.

"I  _did_ put myself out there Blaine! To you!" He heard Kurt take a deep breath, and tears welled up in Blaine's eyes. This wasn't at all the conversation he had planned for this evening. "I can't do this Blaine. I have to go." Blaine tried to stop him, but he heard the phone go silent.

Blaine had to restrain himself from hurling the phone across the room. He slammed himself down on the bed, tossing and turning restlessly for a few minutes. He had done it again. It seemed he had a great knack for making Kurt angry at him. His continual sabotaging of the relationship between him and Kurt was going so well he didn't even need to do it consciously. "Damn it!" he swore to no one. Kurt was so important to him; possibly the most important person in the world to him, why did he have to keep running away from him? Maybe a romance was out of the question, but he just seemed to keep trying to mess up their friendship too. His chest constricted at the thought of losing the boy. He squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn't strong enough to be satisfied with friendship, and yet he didn't have the courage to challenge the deal with his father. He hated having Kurt so close, and yet so far. He knew that he could not live without Kurt in his life; he could not withstand that kind of misery.

Suddenly, his eyes popped open. A grin exploded on his lips. Blaine jumped out of bed and ran out the door to his friends.

"Wes! David! I need to talk to you!"


	4. Original Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Song, is for me perhaps the most important and meaningful episode of television that has ever been filmed. My life was turned upside down the day before it aired, and the episode nearly saved my life. Historically, well I have compared it to the Moon Landing. I guarantee this episode changed history. And Klaine's kiss gave me hope and showed me goodness in a time that was devoid of both.
> 
> I don't know if I have done the episode justice here. You be the judge. Please forgive me for the end. November 8th is right around the corner, and we all know how everything turns out.

_Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!_

Blaine had kept Wes, David and some of the other Warblers up for half the night walking them through the number. Perhaps he was selfish; no he knew he was, but he needed Kurt to understand. Blaine was never good with words, too many secrets that could too easily be revealed with one slip up. He had to think before he spoke, carefully calculating his conversation. But he wanted so much to tell Kurt how he felt, to explain to him his horrible decisions and hurtful actions. He needed Kurt to understand both how desperately he wanted to be with him, and all the reasons why he ran away. Every word of Misery spoke straight from Blaine's heart. If only Kurt could listen and hear it.

_So scared of breaking it that you won't let it bend_  
_And I wrote two hundred letters I would never send_  
_Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem  
_ _You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them be._

Blaine immediately saw Kurt's annoyance at him, still angry from the phone call the night before, and from going to his father behind his back. And he had every right. Kurt had put himself out there to Blaine, told him he was interested. And Blaine had been, continued to be, too scared to give in. No matter how hard he tried, he kept running. He wanted Kurt to understand that it wasn't because he didn't care, because he did more than he could ever say. He needed Kurt to know that the cuts he felt, were truly so much deeper than they seemed.

_So let me be and I'll set you free_  
_I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me_  
_Why won't you answer me?_  
_The silence is slowly killing me._

Once again, Blaine covered his feelings with the mask of upbeat and fun music and choreography, and he was fairly certain Kurt knew it. He barely got a smile out of the boy as he sat next time him, head on his shoulder, begging Kurt's forgiveness. But he continued. For Kurt's sake, not his own, Kurt had to let him go, Blaine had to set him free. The silence between them, the words Blaine refused to utter, were indeed slowly killing him.

_Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine_  
_The way it feels to be completely intertwined_  
_Not that I didn't care it's that I didn't know_  
_It's not what I didn't feel it's what I didn't show_

The dreams Blaine had of Kurt were impossible for him to shake, and he believed that no matter what happened they would continue forever. Out of fear, for a long time he had hidden his feelings even from himself, but they continued to grow. They started to invade his dreams. He ran from them as desperately as he could, but even that didn't work. Now he had to fight desperately to keep them from Kurt.

_You say your faith is shaken you may be mistaken_  
_You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun_  
_I'm desperate and confused so far away from you_  
_I'm getting there I don't care where I have to go_

He was in every way desperate and confused. He didn't want to give up. Some day their moment would come. He didn't think it would be soon, he thought it could be years away, after he was able to break away from his father's grip and influence. When Dalton was behind him and he was free to be with whomever he wanted. He didn't expect Kurt to wait. That wouldn't be fair to either of them. But he had faith, and he hoped Kurt could too, that their someday would come. Maybe Kurt wouldn't understand these words right now. But maybe he would hear them and think about them, and come to believe them himself.

_Girl you really got me bad, you really got me bad_  
_Now I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna get you back._

* * *

"So what did you think of the song?" Blaine asked, nerves rattling, his famous smile hiding every true feeling.

"Can I be really honest with you? Because it comes from a place of caring?" Blaine shrugged, terrified. If Kurt was throwing "caring" back in his face, he really didn't think Kurt had stopped being angry. "Been there, done that. Look, you're amazing Blaine, your solos are breathtaking. They're also numerous."

Blaine stood shocked for a moment. This wasn't about the phone call at all. He had no doubt that Kurt was still angry at him, but also knew something else about his diva friend. "Kurt, the council decides who gets the solos. Do I detect a little jealousy?"

"No, you detect a lot of jealousy. Look, Blaine, sometimes I don't feel like we're the Warblers. I feel like we're Blaine and the Pips."

Blaine stood silent, watching as Kurt walked off with Pavarotti. No one at Dalton had ever confronted him before about his role in the Warblers. Blaine liked to blame the solos on the council for Kurt's benefit, but the truth was, if Blaine stepped aside for someone else to solo, or even duet with him, it would happen. Blaine was the Warblers' front man. Despite being only a sophomore, he had the star power and he knew it. He got what he wanted, and Kurt was right. If he wanted someone else to sing, all he had to do was say it. Blaine hogged the spotlight, craving the attention and the acceptance it earned him. In his own desire to fill every empty place in his heart, he had forgotten that others, that Kurt, needed it as well.

Why was it, he wondered, that every time he tried to make things easier between him and Kurt, it always got more complicated.

* * *

Blaine had been texting Kurt all day, but received no answer. His heart was heavy all morning, knowing that Kurt was still mad at him. He had done the best he could the past few days to make Kurt understand, and it wasn't enough. Maybe, he thought, it was just better for Kurt to be mad.

But then, when Kurt didn't show up for Warbler's rehearsal, Blaine began to truly panic. So as he always did when he got extremely nervous, he hid behind his mask of leadership, and started arguing that the Warblers should wear jackets with red ties and blue piping. No it didn't matter in the slightest, but it kept his mind off of Kurt.

Silence struck the room as Kurt threw the doors of their rehearsal room open, and came striding in dressed, not in his Dalton Academy uniform, but a striking outfit of tight black pants, a black top and black jacket. Blaine's mouth went dry and his heart went to his throat, as he stood on the far side of the room.

"Kurt what's wrong?" he asked, expecting the worst. His mind went to thoughts of his friends at McKinley, or God forbid his father. He could see that Kurt was near tears and it took every ounce of self control not to run to him and wrap the boy in his arms.

"It's Pavarotti. Pavarotti's dead."

Feeling returned to Blaine's arms and fingers as his blood began to flow again, he was so full of relief. But he could also see how hurt Kurt was by the loss. Kurt had been very taken with the bird, and had put a tremendous amount of love into caring for him. To Kurt, love was everything.

"I suspect a stroke," Kurt finished.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry." Blaine poured all of his feelings into the words he knew would bring Kurt little comfort.

"I know it's really stupid to be upset about a bird, but," he took a deep breath, staring at Blaine. Blaine felt as if he stared into Blaine's soul. If he didn't know better, he would have thought Kurt was talking about him. "He inspired me with his optimism and his love of song. He was my friend."

Blaine couldn't help but wonder in those moments if Kurt really had listened to the words of Misery yesterday. Blaine knew his grief as heartfelt. But he almost felt as though Kurt was also mourning the death of the possibilities between him and Blaine. The thought nearly broke Blaine's heart.

"Now I know that today we need to practice do-wopping behind Blaine as he sings every solo in the medley of Pink songs, but I'd like to sing a song for Pavarotti today."

Blaine sat slowly as Kurt handed over a tape to go into the tape deck. His thoughts were racing as Kurt began to sing. He couldn't meet Kurt's eyes; couldn't even look at him, or Nick who sat across from him. His mind was too full.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_  
_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

He heard the words broken wings and images invaded, of many a horrible night, cowering, wanting to fly, but trapped. Broken. He was so broken.

_All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise_

Blaine started to sing backup, helping him focus his feelings. He listened to the words Kurt sang. He didn't know if the words were meant for him or not, but it didn't matter. Because he felt them, deep in his soul. He was the blackbird.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_  
_Take these sunken eyes and learn to see_  
_All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free_  
_Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly_

He glanced at Kurt quickly, but again looked away. The words stabbed at his heart. He had been living, sunken in a world of fear, unable to see what was really there. He had spent his entire life waiting; waiting for permission to be himself, to love and be loved, to fly into the night. He glanced at Nick and met his eyes. Perhaps it was time to stop waiting.

_Into the light of the dark black night._

He looked up at Kurt, with sunken eyes, and he saw…beauty. He saw compassion. He saw honesty beyond anything he had ever experienced in his life before. He saw the opposite of himself, a boy who wore every emotion on his sleeve. Someone who put it all on the line. He saw courage. He saw freedom.

_Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly_  
_Into the light of the dark black night._

He saw someone he could walk with. Someone he could share everything with. Someone he could face the world with. Someone he could face his father with. As he made his decision, the ever present knot in his stomach unraveled. His heart settled. His fear vanished. A small smile crossed his lips. With Kurt he could do anything. With Kurt he could fly.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_  
_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_  
_All your life_  
_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

Blaine knew, with every fiber of his being, that if Kurt let him in, there was no one and nothing that could stop them. This was their moment.

* * *

 

The chapel stood, as it had since Blaine had arrived at Dalton, a refuge in the storm.  He went inside, the flickering lights of the candles like a wink, sharing his secrets.  Only this time, his secrets were good.  He took the long match and lit his candle and his mind was brought back to the first time he'd stood in this sanctuary.  In pain.  Scared.  And then suddenly peace had washed over him.  At Dalton the flames were protected within their glass from whatever might try to blow them out.  His first time here he had sung, knowing that one day he'd burn as bright and safe as those candles.  He'd wished for someone to love him enough to save him.  To change his world.  

And now that he'd found him, he wasn't going to let anything keep them apart.  He didn't want to sing solo anymore.

* * *

Blaine stood outside the room, watching for a minute as Kurt decorated a box with excruciating detail. The boy would never cease to amaze him. Blaine was terrified. It had taken him a few days to make everything perfect, to secure the duet for him and Kurt. There were times when he wondered if he could wait until everything was just right. But now, standing here, he was sure that this was his moment. This was his moment to choose; whether to remain a child, tied down in dread of his father's hatred and bigotry, or whether to be a man, and love with all his heart. This was his moment to choose freedom.

He took a deep breath, straightened his tie, and walked in.

"What's that?" he asked casually.

"I'm decorating Pavarotti's casket," Kurt sighed.

"Well, finish up," he said anxiously. "I have the perfect song for our number and we should practice."

"Do tell," Kurt said with great interest.

"Candles." He wished desperately the nerves would go away, but he was pretty sure that Kurt could hear his heart pounding. "By Hey Monday."

"I'm impressed," Kurt said with a satisfied smile. "You're usually so top forty."

"Well, I just wanted something a little more…emotional." Blaine sat down. The way Kurt looked at him with his perfectly coifed hair and baby soft skin, made the butterflies in his stomach go aloft. He risked a quick glance to Kurt's beautiful and, he suspected, soft pink lips, then looked away, struggling to look Kurt in the eye.

Kurt appeared to be having a similar struggle and turned away. "Why did you pick me to sing that song with?" Kurt asked. Blaine hesitated, the words escaping him, the overwhelming fear returning momentarily. He breathed in Kurt's honesty and courage and for the first time since they met, breathed it out, shaking those feelings away.

"Kurt, there is a moment, when you say to yourself, oh there you are." He looked into Kurt's eyes, and his breath caught, his heart settling. "I've been looking for you forever." Forever. Someone to trust. Someone to love. Someone to tell his secrets to. Someone to save him. It was all Kurt.

He took Kurt's hand, startling the boy.  _A touch of the fingertips_ , Blaine remembered. He hoped that Kurt felt in his own fingertips everything he always had wanted to feel. "Watching you do  _Blackbird_  this week," He wished he could tell him everything. Every fear, every moment, every dream. He couldn't. Not yet. But he could tell him this. "That was the moment for me. About you. You move me, Kurt. And this duet would just be an excuse to spend more time with you."

Kurt smiled, and released the breath he had been holding. Blaine couldn't hold back anymore. He leaned in, placing his hand on Kurt's cheek and met Kurt's soft, delicious lips. Everything he missed in the kiss with Rachel was there now; the butterflies, the heat, the dizziness. He was gentle, always allowing Kurt to pull away if he wanted, but Kurt didn't. Instead he soon felt Kurt's hand on his own cheek as Kurt pulled him into the kiss even more strongly. It wasn't what Blaine had expected, it was so much better. Even his dreams underestimated the passion one kiss could make him feel. Neither wanted to let go.

Blaine pulled away from the kiss and stopped midair, gazing upon the face of the exquisite boy in front of him, lids heavy, eyes dilated, lips swollen and face blushing. Kurt hadn't stopped him, had even encouraged him. But if Blackbird had been Kurt's goodbye, he wondered if he was too late.

Blaine prayed he wasn't, blushing as he sat back down. Self-conscious and unsure, he laughed away his doubts, bringing his arm to his head in a poor attempt to hide his feelings. "We should…we should practice."

He turned back to Kurt, who was looking at him, happier than he'd been in a very long time.  _I did that,_  Blaine thought _._ It warmed his heart, and eased his mind to know that he had put that smile on that beautiful face. "I thought we were."

Blaine leaned forward without hesitation, meeting Kurt's lips as he rose out of his chair. Blaine pulled Kurt up to standing as they kissed, breathing in deeply the smell, the taste and the feel of each other's kiss. It was still new and neither moved to deepen it, but it was the most loving and romantic feeling either had ever experienced. Every other kiss, Brittany, Karofsky, Rachel, became distant thoughts in their mind, never to haunt them again. When they each thought of their first kiss, this would forever be etched in their memory. When they finally pulled apart, neither could breath.

Cupping Kurt's face, Blaine eyed Kurt's swollen lips as he softly brushed his thumb over them. His gaze moved up to meet Kurt's eyes, his fingers caressing Kurt over his ear as if to tuck back a stray hair. He tenderly placed a hand on Kurt's neck. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

"It's ok." Kurt trembled at the gentle touch and laughed breathlessly. "It was worth the wait."

"Kurt Hummel," Blaine asked, "will you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?"

Blaine watched as Kurt brought his soft hands to Blaine's dark curls and moaned as Kurt pulled him in on his own for another kiss.

As Nick passed by the room, he glanced inside to see Blaine and Kurt locked together. He smiled. Blaine must have found his moment.

"Blaine Anderson," Kurt whispered pulling away slightly, leaving their foreheads touching. "I would love to be your boyfriend."

* * *

The Warblers were coming down from their post performance high as they quickly took their seats in between their performance and New Directions. Blaine took his backpack off and placed it on the floor, just as Rachel Berry took the solo microphone center stage. As he let go he felt a vibration in the bag, and despite his better judgment, unzipped it and grabbed his phone. He opened the text message that had arrived and his heart stopped.

**From Dad: We need to talk. You are to come home this weekend.**

_What have I done_  
_I wish I could run_  
_Away from this ship going under_

What had he done? His mind immediately began to create excuses, stories, lies to delay the inevitable assault. Blaine quickly scanned the crowd, searching for the person who had outed him, but all he saw was a sea of faces, none of whom stood out. He calmed his breathing, reined in his panic and concentrated on Rachel's words.

_Just trying to help, hurt everyone else_  
_Now I feel the weight of the world is_  
_On my shoulders_

_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?_  
_And all that you touch tumbles down?_  
_'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things_  
_I just wanna fix it somehow_  
_But how many times will it take?_  
_Oh, how many times will it take for me?_  
_To get it right_  
_To get it right_

He knew Kurt had whispered something to him but he didn't hear the words. Kurt. How could he have done this to Kurt? If his father sent him away, it would break both of their hearts now. Staring straight ahead, he grabbed Kurt's hand and squeezed tightly.

_Can I start again with my faith shaken?_  
_'Cause I can't go back and undo this_  
_I just have to stay and face my mistakes_  
_But if I get stronger and wiser_  
_I'll get through this_

He wouldn't let go of Kurt. He would do whatever he had to in order to stay with him. Honesty would have to wait. He had been naïve. He would have to keep hiding. Hide his relationship with Kurt from his father. Hide his father from Kurt. Until he was stronger and wiser.

_So I throw up my fist_  
_Throw a punch in the air_  
_And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair_  
_Yeah, I'll send down a wish_  
_Yeah, I'll send up a prayer_  
_And finally, someone will see_  
_How much I care_

Life for Blaine wasn't even close to fair. All he wanted was to love freely, openly, without fear or hesitation. He closed his eyes, and sent up a prayer that someday, his father would just accept him and allow him to be the man he was. He blinked back the tears that threatened to roll down his face.

_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?_  
_And all that you touch tumbles down?_  
_Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things_  
_I just wanna fix it somehow_  
_But how many times will it take?_  
_Oh, how many times will it take?_  
_To get it right_  
_To get it right._

Kurt turned to him and smiled as the crowd gave Rachel a standing ovation. Blaine let the love of his friends, his pride for Rachel, and the strong, protective hands of his boyfriend wash over him. The weekend was days away. He was here and this was now, and for a few more moments, he was still free.


	5. Night of Neglect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: The first scene of this story contains mild and allusions to not so mild physical abuse. Please be careful if it will trigger you. The events are briefly touched on in Hold On, so if you have read that you won't miss much.
> 
> I really want to thank those of you who encouraged me to write this scene, especially Jen. I think it's really important that I did. I would give anything to see Darren perform it. The episode title, Night of Neglect, has a double meaning for me now.
> 
> I don't own Glee, but you know which words they own.

Blaine had to pull over twice on the side of the road to stop his panic from taking over on his way home. The last few days, with Kurt always at his side, were both magic and torture. He adored the boy, and the thought of losing him, or of Kurt losing Blaine, broke his heart into a million pieces. And he knew that if his father had found out about them because of their Regionals performance , it was precisely what would happen. He finally pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. Blaine inhaled deeply as he placed his hand on the doorknob. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer to a God he knew would not answer, and walked inside, shutting the door carefully behind him.

Colonel Anderson was neither a big man nor strong, but there was no doubt in anyone's mind that he was a man to be listened to and obeyed. It had been drilled into Blaine's head since he was a little boy, his only reprieve the years his father was gone in Iraq. Even then, the invention of computers, cellphones, and video conferencing was a curse for the boy who didn't behave the way his father wanted him to. Blaine found him sitting on the living room sofa reading some sort of manual. He stood by the doorway, waiting to be acknowledged.

Finally his father closed the book. "Have a seat Blaine," he ordered.

"I'd rather stand," Blaine said defiantly, moving to lean against a hutch on the wall across the room from his father. His defiance often got him into more trouble, but it was the only measure of control he ever had with his father and he clung to it dearly. "Where's Mom?"

"She went out." Blaine knew that this did not bode well at all. His mother left when she knew it was going to get bad between them. It broke Blaine's heart, but he also understood she needed to protect herself as well. He had long ago realized that he was on his own. He gripped the table edge tightly with both hands, trying desperately to contain his fear. He concentrated on breathing as his father rose.

"I have certain expectations in this house, you know that. And I do not take kindly to you not following them." The Colonel's stare penetrated Blaine's steely façade and he shivered. He began to grow dizzy, but remained silent. He could almost see Kurt being ripped from his grasp but tried to blink away the image. He still was not certain what this was about, and he refused to take any chances at revealing something his father didn't already know.

His silence only made his father's anger grow, however. "An explanation Blaine," he demanded. "Now."

Blaine tried to swallow the heartbeat that had climbed to his throat. He willed his voice to be steady, but it came out more like a squeak. "For what, Sir?"

The Colonel's gaze fell to a manila envelope on the coffee table. Blaine noticed it for the first time, seeing the Dalton seal in the corner. His face creased in confusion. Blaine stepped forward tentatively and grabbed it, opening it slowly. He pulled out a report card, and breathed a sigh of relief. He nearly broke out laughing, then realized he must be delirious.

"You think this is funny Blaine?" The Colonel's booming anger brought Blaine back to reality. Dalton and Kurt were safe, but he was not.

"No Sir, not all," he said and studied the report card. Blaine frowned. Two C's amongst the A's and one B. A suitable report card for most families, but not in the Anderson household. He wasn't happy with it himself. Blaine looked up at a face raging, and panic returned. "I'm sorry, Sir."

Blaine stepped back as the Colonel moved toward him until he was inches from the hutch. "Sorry is not going to cut it, young man. I do not pay tens of thousands of dollars a year for grades like these." His tone shifted, mixing condescension with taunting. "Tell me Blaine, is the work too hard for you or are you just too busy with your ridiculous singing and dancing all the time to bother with your classes?"

Blaine couldn't respond. He knew what his father was really asking:  _Was he too stupid or too gay_? And the fact was, there was no good answer. He would never blame his grades on the Warblers, even if it were true, which it wasn't. On the other hand, saying he couldn't handle the work was a lie he would never tell. There was no way he would give his father another reason to think less of him. Kurt was the true reason his grades had slipped. He always tried to concentrate in class and complete his homework after Warbler practice, but his mind had been a mess the past few months, wanting so badly what he spent hours convincing himself he couldn't have. But that was another answer he could never give.

And suddenly he was reminded precisely why. His father never took to silence well, when he wanted answers he got them. As Blaine got lost in his own world, searching desperately in his mind for some excuse he could divulge, his father snapped him out of it with a shove that slammed him forcefully into the hutch. Blaine felt a shooting pain in his back as the air was swept from his lungs. Tears came to his eyes.

"You're out of the Warblers," Colonel Anderson yelled. " I will not have you hanging around those boys, doing whatever it is you do, instead of concentrating on your studies."

"No!" Life without the Warblers would be like living without air. Music and his friends were the only thing that kept him afloat. And Kurt. No, he couldn't think about Kurt right now. "Please, Dad," he begged, "competition season is done. It will take less of my time. I promise I will keep up in school. Straight A's next semester."

Blaine struggled to breathe as his father got directly in his face and hissed. "You have wasted my money this year and spit on my generosity in letting you attend that school. If you think that I am going to just let you waltz back with no consequences for your actions and nary a reminder that your academics are more important than anything else, you've got another thing coming."

Blaine looked at the floor. No matter how hard he tried, somehow his father always won. "I'll take whatever I have coming, Sir," he nearly whispered. With every ounce of strength he raised his eyes to meet his father's, pleading. "Just please, let me stay with the Warblers."

His father stared him down for what felt like an eternity. Finally, he took a step back, making space between him and his son. "Here's the deal. You can walk out that door now and I will call the headmaster to inform him that you resign from your choir. Or you can head up those stairs and wait for me in your room. The choice is yours."

Blaine's skin bristled and his heart pounded, but he did not hesitate. He stepped out from under his father's glare and, like a prisoner facing execution, slowly climbed the stairs.

* * *

Blaine lay on his bed at Dalton, chin is his hands, trying desperately, but failing, to focus on the history book that lay open beneath him. It had been 4 days since he'd returned, but his mind kept straying to his weekend home. The soreness had virtually disappeared, but the pain in his heart remained. So many thoughts and feelings were at war within him as his mind shifted from his father to Kurt and back again.

It wasn't the first time since he'd been at Dalton that he'd come back this way, but it was the first time since Kurt had transferred. None of the boys ever seemed to notice, his circumstances had turned him into a damn fine actor. This time he told everyone he had a football injury from playing with his Dad over the weekend. Most of the guys bought the story; even Kurt didn't really question him. But one person did notice - Nick. He'd seen it before and he was good at picking up patterns. Blaine had always known he wouldn't be able to hide it from his best friend forever.

Nick asked him to stay after following rehearsal and Kurt went off to dinner with the other boys, a fact for which Blaine was grateful. Blaine had no intention of telling Nick anything, but Nick had a way about him that made a person feel safe, loved and accepted. He ended up admitting only that yes, his father had hurt him. He swore Nick to secrecy, which he very reluctantly agreed to. Lying on his bed now, he had quite mixed feelings about telling Nick. On the one hand, he was so very grateful that someone knew and understood. On the other hand, he felt guilty that he told Nick and not Kurt. But Kurt could never know. Blaine knew that Kurt would immediately tell his father, and Mr. Hummel would either storm over to his house or call child protective services. Either action had only one result: Losing Dalton and losing Kurt.

A knock on the door Blaine recognized immediately as Kurt's, broke his reverie. "Come in," he called.

Kurt came in and went straight to sit on the corner of Blaine's bed. "Hi," he said happily.

Blaine rolled over and sat up, placing one hand on Kurt's knee and giving him a peck on the cheek. "Hi beautiful," he smiled.

Kurt blushed. "I never thought that Wes and David would let me out of rehearsal. You are lucky you weren't there, they were on a rampage. They made me do Blackbird about ten times. Never knew they were so serious about their nursing home shows."

Blaine chuckled to himself. Nick had asked them to keep Kurt busy, knowing that Blaine needed time on his own. "You know Wes," he said. "He's a perfectionist. Of course, maybe he just wanted to hear you sing Blackbird over and over. I know I do."

Kurt grinned. "So, you seem to be feeling better." Blaine had told Kurt he had a headache the past few days. It was true, in a way. He tried never to lie to his boyfriend, but he had grown over the years to be a master of half-truths.

"Yes," Blaine answered. "I am feeling better."

"Good!" Kurt beamed. "Because I have a date for us."

"Oh?"

Kurt bounced a little on the bed with excitement.  _That boy is too adorable for words,_  thought Blaine. "New Directions is doing a little fundraiser concert, and I got about 10 separate texts saying that we better be there. They say they are going to have a big audience, but chances are we could be the only ones there."

"Then we better go. Wouldn't want your friends to come after you here for not showing up," Blaine answered. Blaine was so grateful that Kurt had his friends at McKinley. He knew that if the worst ever happened, they would always be there for him, even while Blaine was left alone. His frowned at the thought.

"Hey, look at me," Kurt said suddenly. Blaine looked up and met Kurt's gaze. "Your eyes look so sad. They have for days. What's going on?" Kurt placed a hand in Blaine's curls, gently stroking them.

Blaine shook his head. "It's nothing, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Of course I worry about you," Kurt said. "You can tell me anything you know that, right?"

It broke Blaine's heart a little bit, but he couldn't say anything. He wouldn't say anything. Kurt could not know. Some secrets were meant to be kept.

"Let's go to dinner," Blaine said, grabbing Kurt's hand and pulling him off the bed.

"You're changing the subject," Kurt said wryly.

"I'm hungry." Blaine tried to be cheerful.

"You're changing the subject!" Kurt said more emphatically.

"Let's find Nick and Jeff!" Blaine yelled opening the door and pulling him into the hallway.

Kurt just shook his head. "What am I going to do with you Blaine Warbler?" he wondered aloud as Blaine raced them down the corridor to find his friends.

* * *

Blaine strolled the hallways of McKinley High School as Kurt showed him all the sights of his old school. Blaine walked, hands in his pockets, smiling at Kurt. They always held hands at Dalton, but without speaking of it, neither felt fully comfortable doing it in these hallways. Blaine had promised himself that he would put everything behind him tonight and just have a wonderful night with his boyfriend. Kurt looked so happy here, but at the same time sad. Blaine could easily tell that for Kurt, this was home, not Dalton, and he missed it terribly.

Brittany and Artie came by smiling, encouraging them to get a good seat in the auditorium. "Gonna be a full house?" Blaine asked with a smile.

"Got to get there early to get a good seat," Artie replied.

"We'll be there in a minute," Kurt assured them.

Blaine turned to Kurt and studied him as he stared after his friends. "Aww…you miss them," he said lovingly.

The moment was ruined by a voice behind them. "What the hell are you two doing here." They both turned to see Karofsky approach them. Blaine immediately felt his defenses shoot up. He had been too close to fight or flight all week. He hated Karofsky. He had tried to be understanding, months ago before he knew what the football player had done to Kurt. But Karofsky reminded Blaine way too much of his father, especially today. The only difference was that the boy had no power over him and he was free to give back everything the kid gave them. Adrenaline raced through his system.

"We're here for the benefit," Kurt said. "Don't tell me you're going."

"I wouldn't be caught dead," the bully snarled at them. "I was pumping iron at the gym when one of the guys told me you two were here spreading your fairy dust all over the place."

"Would you just give it up!" Blaine fought desperately to keep himself together for Kurt's sake, but every muscle in his body tensed and every reflex wanted to lash out. "You can live whatever lie you want, but don't pretend that the three of us don't know what's really going on here."

"You don't know squat, buckboy!" David yelled.

Blaine lost it. He was smaller, but he was strong, and he was done being called names and taking abuse. Every ounce of hate and anger and humiliation that he had suffered over the years, from both the bullies at school and the bully at home rushed through him and he couldn't stop himself if he tried. He charged Karofsky and shoved him, making an impact despite his size. David immediately responded, pushing back. Blaine's vision narrowed and the blood rushed through his ears.

Blaine felt Santana jump in and push him away, stopping him from punching Karofsky. He vaguely heard Kurt and the other two talking, but couldn't make out the words. Slowly, his vision and hearing returned to normal.

"First of all, anything you do became my business, when you decided to toss that slushie up in my grill," the black-haired girl said.

David eyed her back. "Think I can take a couple of queers and a girl."

Blaine's blood began to boil again, but Santana acted more quickly. "Heh, okay, see here's what's gonna go down, two choices: You stay here and I crack one of your nuts, right or left that's your choice, or you walk way and live to be a douchebag another day. Oh and also I have razor blades hidden in my hair, tons, all up in there."

The speech allowed Blaine a moment to catch his breath and return his thinking. He quickly glanced over to Kurt, who looked frightened. He wasn't sure who he was more scared of, Karofsky or Blaine. The football player walked away, and Santana turned back to them, meeting Blaine's eyes.

"We could have handled that," he told her, although he realized it was probably a very good thing that she had ended it when and how she did.

"It was more fun doing it together," she said, smiling at Blaine. He gave her a small smile back when she got a text and ran off in the direction of the choir room. Blaine's thoughts quickly returned to his hands, which were still clumped into fists.

Kurt turned anxiously to Blaine. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Blaine said quickly, brushing him off. "Are you alright?" he asked trying to clear his mind.

Kurt stepped toward Blaine. "Yes," he said placing his hands on Blaine's forearms. "You're shaking!" he exclaimed with concern.

Blaine stepped back, causing Kurt's arms to fall and he looked around. The last thing they needed to do was instigate any more violence by them touching. "Come on, let's get our seats," Blaine said quietly turning to go, avoiding Kurt's hurt look, and nearly running off to the auditorium. Kurt caught up to him in their seats, but Blaine avoided his gaze. With the embarrassment at his behavior, coupled with the rage he felt and the secrets he kept, he knew that if he looked at Kurt's beautifully innocent face he would lose it.

Blaine was grateful when Tina took the stage. Music always calmed his nerves and the racing thoughts, and he did his best to let himself relax. But the audience made it impossible. Kurt was right, no one showed up and those that did just heckled the poor girl, who was trying her best to work it up on the stage. Blaine had been told about how New Directions was treated at school, but seeing it first hand made his heart ache for Kurt. He turned to his boyfriend, and discreetly took his hand, as Mike took the stage. Staring at the beauty on the stage, he found himself finally relaxing. His dancing amazed Blaine, to the point that he was mesmerized. The guy was incredible.

Blaine leaned over to Kurt. "Think we can get him to transfer to Dalton?" he whispered wagging his eyebrows.

Kurt turned to him and smiled. "You are terrible," he kidded.

The two gave Mike a standing ovation.

When Mercedes sang, he nearly melted. He had never heard her sing before, but her voice was incredible and he lost himself entirely in the song.

_Ain't no way for me to love you,_  
_if you won't let me._  
_It ain't no way for me to give you all you need,_  
_if you won't let me give all of me._

Although he didn't sing it, Mercedes voice drove into his heart and carried his feelings on the wind, to God, to his father, to anyone who would listen. Every bad feeling, every doubt, and all his anger disappeared. Once again, music said everything he needed to say. And a huge smile returned to his face. Tears were in his eyes when she finished, and he joined Kurt and his friends in a standing ovation. The power of music amazed him every time. He would do anything, take whatever he had to, not to lose that. He had always known, but he knew with complete certainty in that moment, that he had made the right decision.


	6. Born This Way

Blaine sat with Kurt and his friends at the Lima Bean. Blaine had realized at the benefit concert how much Kurt had missed them and he encouraged him to call and invite them out. They sat with Santana, Mercedes and Tina. Rachel had been busy doing something with Finn. Blaine knew that Mercedes and Tina were close to Kurt but he was surprised when Santana decided to tag along. That was until he noticed her eyeing Brittany and Artie, who were on a date at another table, since the moment they had sat down. And Blaine was fairly certain that Santana did not have her eye on Artie. Blaine may be clueless about his own love life, but he could be pretty astute when it came to other people's.

"You haven't asked us anything about our New York trip," Mercedes mentioned.

"Is it because it's too painful?" Tina asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact." Kurt's sarcasm dripped. "But while the New Directions are preparing to perform at Nationals, the Warblers are preparing to perform in a nursing home, in a strip mall next to a national bank." Blaine smiled. It was killing Kurt. His boyfriend hadn't stopped complaining about the irony and unfairness of the situation since the rehearsal Wes had with Kurt. Kurt had made Blaine swear never to leave him alone with Wes again. It was one of the reasons Blaine had suggested this meeting. "I'm so proud of you guys!" Kurt finished caustically.

"We miss you so much," Tina assured him.

"Isn't there any way you can come back to McKinley?" Mercedes begged, looking at the two.

"I told him I would be all for it if it wasn't for Karofsky." Blaine hated seeing Kurt miserable. Kurt was desperate to perform with his friends. He belonged on a stage, not in the dining hall of a nursing home serenading old ladies who wanted nothing more than to pinch his cheeks. And Blaine had another motive. He was growing fearful that someday his father might decide to just stop by Dalton to make sure his son was following through on his promises. With Kurt there, that scenario could only end in disaster. No, he was definitely safer with Kurt at McKinley…where he should have always been. But only, of course, if Kurt were out of harm's way.

"Wait, what did you just say?" Santana asked.

"Kurt needs to be safe," Blaine stressed.

"Can we please change the subject?" Kurt urged, rolling his eyes embarrassed. The two boys had discussed this a few times over the past few days and they kept coming to the same conclusion. Of course, Kurt didn't know about Blaine's situation, and the boy had no intention of telling him. It didn't matter. Kurt's safety was paramount to Blaine. He had been taking care of himself for a long time and he would continue to do so if necessary.

Suddenly, Santana stood up. "I've gotta gay… go! I've gotta go!" Blaine grinned widely and watched Santana leave. He knew it!

"I hate to say it guys, but we should go too," Kurt said linking his fingers with Blaine.

"Yeah," Mercedes said, "we all have school tomorrow. Love you Kurt!"

"Love you baby girl." Kurt hugged Tina and Mercedes and Blaine gave them a wave as Kurt and Blaine walked hand in hand to their cars.

"You're awfully quiet," Kurt said, leaning against his car.

Blaine combed his fingers carefully through Kurt's hair. He had learned that the later it was, the less Kurt cared about the perfection of his hairdo. "I just want you to be happy. And I don't think you are. Not at Dalton and not at McKinley. I want you to be safe and happy."

"I am," Kurt promised him. "Anytime with you. I am safe and happy."

Blaine smiled and pulled Kurt in for a soft kiss. "I am happy with you too," Blaine said, opening Kurt's door and closing it behind his boyfriend.

He went to his own car, his stomach twisting. He was happy with Kurt, always happy. But safe was something he believed that he would never be.

* * *

"Kurt where are you?" Blaine answered his cell. Kurt had missed class and Warblers practice. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Blaine. My dad and I went in to talk with Principal Figgens at McKinley this morning. Seems Karofsky has changed his mind about killing me and is instead going to protect me."

Blaine rubbed his head. Nothing Kurt said just made sense. "Kurt, I don't understand."

"I don't know exactly Blaine. Santana is behind it so goodness knows what she really has up her sleeve. But the point is, I'm safe at McKinley. David's not going to do anything to hurt me."

"Oh." He should be happy. This is what he wanted. This was what he needed. Kurt safe. Kurt not at Dalton. Why wasn't he happy? "That's great Kurt." He tried desperately himself upbeat.

"I'm…um…on my way to Dalton now. I'll finish up classes today and then… get my things." Blaine heard the sadness in Kurt's voice as well. Despite it being what they both wanted, they were losing a lot as well.

"Ok, I'll see you when you get here. Bye."

As he hung up the phone, he turned back to the guys. He was in Nick and Jeff's room and the boys were playing video games after a pretty rough rehearsal with Wes and his gavel. He sat on the bed in disbelief.

Nick noticed first. "Blaine, what's the matter? You look like someone died."

Blaine looked at Nick and struggled to even say the words. He swallowed hard. "Kurt's leaving."

* * *

Blaine stood against the wall across from the lockers in Dalton's classroom building. He watched sadly as Kurt slowly gathered up his belongings from his locker. Kurt had just finished up his last class at the private school and was packing up to head back to McKinley on Monday morning. Blaine had so many mixed emotions going through his head, but right now his heart just felt heavy.

Kurt closed the locker and turned to Blaine. Blaine had been having trouble looking at Kurt all day, and he realized Kurt was having the same problem. When their eyes finally met, they both saw tears and Blaine reached his hand out. "Come on," he said, "I think you have a few things in my room."

Kurt took his hand, and Blaine knew that more than classes, more than lunch, more than Warblers practice, he would miss having Kurt's hand to hold in the hallways of Dalton. They had been doing so since the day they met.

The two headed up to Blaine's room and the dormitory was thankfully mostly empty as boys were off at their various after school activities. Blaine laid down on his bed as Kurt started going through the room gathering up his things. Kurt packed some hair product and moisturizer and some extra clothes he had kept here. Hard as Blaine tried to convince Kurt he wouldn't need them, years of being slushied made Kurt anxious to not have a clean outfit or two at the ready. Besides, occasionally the boys went out after school and Kurt sometimes preferred to change out of his uniform.

Blaine noticed Kurt was very quiet, far from his usual bubbly and talkative self. He got up and walked up behind him, placing his arms around his boyfriend's waist and resting his head on Kurt's shoulder. The two just stood like that for a minute, and Blaine closed his eyes, breathing in Kurt's scent, feeling the softness of his body against his own. Suddenly, he felt Kurt trembling beneath him.

Blaine turned him around to face each other. "Hey, hey don't cry," he hushed, wiping Kurt's tears as moisture pooled in his own eyes. "It's going to be ok, we'll see each other all the time," Blaine said, assuring himself as much as his boyfriend.

"I know," Kurt sniffled. "And in a lot of ways I'm so happy to go back. But there is so much about Dalton that I will miss."

Blaine again took Kurt's hand and held it tight as he walked his boyfriend over to sit together on his bed. With his other hand he stroked Kurt's cheek, again wiping away the tears. "Tell me," Blaine urged.

Tears formed in Kurt's eyes again as he listed everything he would miss. "I'll miss walking down the hallways without the fear of a slushie facial. I'll miss the smiles as I pass and applause when we sing. I'll miss a show choir that works hard and rehearses for perfection. I'll miss the guys' crazy antics and even Wes' gavel." Blaine grew lost in Kurt's eyes and his own began to tear once more as Kurt continued. "I'll miss being able to escape with you up to your room when things get hard, or just when we have a free period together. I'll miss kissing you anywhere and anytime I want." Kurt ran his fingers through Blaine's locked away curls and pulled him in for a quick kiss. "But most of all I will miss holding your hand down the hallway as we walk from class to class, or building to building, not afraid of anyone or anything, being with each other openly and honestly in just the little moments. I will miss the little moments most of all."

Blaine did not hesitate. He grasped Kurt firmly and pulled him toward him in a desperate kiss to hold onto this moment as long as he could. He was letting Kurt go, letting his father win, knowing all the time that it was once again him running away, even though this time it was Kurt leaving. He poured his emotions into the kiss and moved to deepen it, sucking in Kurt's bottom lip and nearly begging Kurt for entrance. Kurt's lips parted for him and allowed Blaine to taste him for the first time. Blaine reigned in his passion, deliberately slowing his movements. He grew soft and gentle, wanting in no way to frighten Kurt or make him uneasy. Kurt moaned into the kiss, and Blaine couldn't help but smile. Kurt pulled away and smiled as well.

Blaine gazed deeply into Kurt's eyes, still holding his boyfriend close to him. "I will miss everything about you, Kurt," he whispered. "Every second I don't see you I will miss you. The halls will be empty without you."

"Remind me again why I'm going?" Kurt begged him.

"Because McKinley is your home and New Directions is your family. You were never meant to be one of a hundred Kurt, you were meant to stand out. You were never meant to do-wop behind me, as you so eloquently pointed out," he teased smiling softly. "You were born to shine."

* * *

Blaine took a deep breath as he and the Warblers arrived. Petrified would have been an understatement if he tried to describe how he felt. This wasn't the Gap. It wasn't Sectionals, or Regionals. This was the courtyard of McKinley High School, in front of hundreds of students who enjoyed throwing food and slushies at performers. And who never helped Kurt for one day when he was being bullied for being gay. And here he was, about to declare his love for Kurt in front of every one of them.

Just as he decided this was a horrible idea and turned to walk away, Jeff patted him on the back. "Come on dude, this is gonna be awesome. Kurt's gonna love it!"

Blaine looked at the other Warblers and they all smiled at him. They had his back. And New Directions now had Kurt's. Blaine walked down the steps with Wes and David behind him and there he was, his gorgeous boyfriend in a black top hat and white jacket, looking stunning and so very very happy. Blaine smiled. That was what it was about, seeing that smile on Kurt's face. Watching his friends embrace him. It settled his stomach as he reached the landing and Kurt turned to him.

"Kurt, Dalton's gonna miss you. You were a great addition to the Warblers, and you made us a better team. I'm sad to see you go, but we all know that this is something that you really want." He spoke as the lead singer now, for all of his brothers. Blaine's personal feelings, well, they would come out much better in song. "And I'll still have you after school and on the weekends but these guys won't, so, we wanted to say goodbye."

"And thank you, Kurt," Wes said.

_I walked across an empty land_   
_I knew the pathway like the back of my hand._

When Blaine sang, he felt every word. He didn't know when, and he didn't know how, but Kurt had slowly turned from the hardest thing in his life to the simplest. He had become Kurt's rock, the only one he could truly rely on. The idea of going each day without seeing him broke the singer's heart, but he also knew it was for the best for both of them right now. As he sang, he was so overcome with emotion for Kurt; love, he knew he was falling in love. It scared him, for so many reasons. And he knew that Kurt's move to McKinley allowed him to keep doing what he always did…run away. But this time, it wouldn't hurt Kurt in the process, and maybe in the long run, it would even bring them closer together.

_And if you have a minute why don't we go_   
_Talk about it somewhere only we know_   
_This could be the end of everything_   
_So why don't we go, somewhere only we know._

He had to start letting Kurt in, or it would be the end of everything. Now that they wouldn't be together all the time, the distance that Blaine tried desperately to keep would tear them apart. It was time to start tearing down the walls. Time to start opening up and letting Kurt know more about him. It was time for Blaine to start being more honest. Slowly, carefully, but he had to let him in.

He watched Kurt say goodbye to the Warblers, tears streaming down his face, and he watched as Kurt embraced his brother and his best friend. Tears pooled in Blaine's eyes as well. No matter how surrounded by the Warblers he was, every minute without Kurt would be lonely.

_Somewhere only we know, Somewhere only we know._

They gazed into each other's tear filled eyes until Kurt fell in Blaine's arms and Blaine rushed forward to embrace him. "I'll never say goodbye to you," he heard Kurt whisper in his ear and chills went up his spine. If only there truly was a place that was free of both their fathers, somewhere that only they knew.

But Blaine knew there wasn't and he knew that if he didn't let go of Kurt he would kiss him and never let him walk away. So he let go and he walked away, his Warbler brothers offering comfort as he did. He turned back , he couldn't help it, to see Kurt's smile as his friends surrounded him. Blaine smiled and nodded. This was right. As hard as it was, this was right.

* * *

**From Blaine: I'm here in the parking lot whenever you're ready.**

**From Kurt: Be there in a minute, we're just finishing up.**

Blaine rocked out to Katy Perry in his car while he waited for Kurt to finish up with New Directions. It bothered him that he felt a need to take a look around for Karofsky before relaxing. Kurt had assured him that things were different now, that Karofsky wasn't a threat, but there was still no love lost for the guy that had threatened his boyfriend. Still, he thought, without the bully he and Kurt maybe never would have gotten together, so perhaps he owed him something. Blaine shook that thought from his mind immediately. No, if Kurt had never transferred, it all would have been so much easier. Well, at least he was back here at McKinley now.

Blaine was startled out of his reverie by Kurt who opened the door and breathlessly dropped himself down in the passenger seat. "Oh my god, Blaine, it was amazing! It went so well. I so hope we can do that number in front of an actual audience. I totally think we should do it for Nationals, but Mr. Schuester thinks it would be too controversial…well, I would be too controversial. I think it would be amazing."

Blaine laughed at the extremely excited animation and the ramblings of his adorable boyfriend, and wanted desperately to just kiss his lips to make him stop. Instead, he reached over to Kurt's button down and began undoing the buttons. "Let me see!" He grinned widely.

Kurt giggled as he brushed Blaine's hands away. Blaine unbuttoning his shirt was making his mind wander to activities far too inappropriate for the McKinley High parking lot. He finished unfastening the shirt and opened it dramatically to reveal his "Likes Boys" shirt. He looked at Blaine, who studied it quietly. "Well," Kurt said, a little anxiously as his grin turned to a concerned frown. "Don't you like it?"

Blaine frowned as well. "I don't know Kurt," he said. "I'm not sure I like this "S" here at the end. I mean, who are these  _boys_?" Blaine slowly grinned at Kurt. Teasing was so much a part of their everyday conversation. It eased the tension for Blaine…the hated tension that his secrets created and…other tension that he loved, that Kurt created by being the most interesting, incredible and sexy boy in the world that lord, he missed so much.

Kurt rolled his eyes and stuck his chin in the air. "Well, I  _am_  pretty popular with the gentleman," he taunted playfully. "Of course there is kind of a special someone."

Blaine felt his stomach flutter and his body flushed with heat. "Well, I bet that if that special someone was here right now, he would want nothing more than to take you in his arms and kiss you until you gasped for air."

Blaine gave a satisfied smile when he saw Kurt's face blush, but Kurt did not miss a beat. "Well then good sir, you best take me to him, because I think he can be kind of jealous," Kurt eyed him sideways as he put his seatbelt on. "And you are a pretty handsome gentleman yourself, if I do say so."

Blaine's laugh was bursting as he put on his own seatbelt and shifted into gear, racing to the Hummel/Hudson household for Friday Night dinner. "Then there is no time to lose!"


	7. Prom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last chapter of this story! I really want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read, favorite, alert, and especially review! You guys have no idea how much reviews mean to a writer and how much it helps in the process. So thank you to everyone who has taken the time to share their thoughts. Please let me know what you think of the end.
> 
> As always, I don't own Glee, but many of the words in this story are owned by them. And as always, you know which ones they are.

"Go on a date with me tonight. You and me at Breadsticks," Kurt asked over the phone, though it sounded far more like a demand to Blaine's ears.

"Breaststicks Kurt? It's a school night, I've got Warblers practice and homework…"

"Don't you miss me?" Kurt's voice suddenly got high, and Blaine knew he had hurt his feelings.

"Of course I miss you, Kurt, I miss you every minute of every day I don't see you. It's just," Blaine hesitated. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt him. He reminded himself that now that they were apart he needed to make more of an effort. He had to start taking risks and letting him in. He shared everything with Kurt, except his pain, and it wasn't going to be enough forever. So instead of making excuses of rehearsals and homework he tried to tell Kurt the truth. "I'm just…a date?"

"Yes Blaine, a date." Kurt said with exasperation. "You know, those things where two people who really like each other and sometimes kiss go out to a restaurant, at night, and share a meal? I mean, I haven't really been on one, but I hear they can be wonderful."

Blaine sighed. He wanted desperately to go out on a date with Kurt. His only fear was the same as always. Someone would see them together and tell his father. But Kurt wasn't going to hide away forever and damn it, he didn't want them to have to. So he agreed, and Kurt nearly screeched his ear off on the other side of the phone.

* * *

The dinner had been going fantastically. Kurt was dressed to the nines and his hair was perfectly coiffed. He looked gorgeous, and Blaine had been staring at his delicious lips all night, lamenting that they were not returning to Dalton after this date where he could get a good taste of them. Their meals had been delicious as well, and their plates had been cleared away. Blaine had stayed quietly vigilant throughout the meal, but he had yet to see anyone that he recognized. It took time, but he finally relaxed.

Suddenly, Kurt held his hand out on the table, holding it open. "Give me your hand," he said nervously.

Blaine glanced down, hesitating for only a second before placing his hand in Kurt's. Kurt covered it with his other. "Blaine Warbler…" Blaine noticed Kurt's adorable face was slightly flushed as he took a deep breath and his face lit up with hope. Blaine's heart raced a little. "Will you go to junior prom with me?"

Blaine couldn't hide his shock. "Prom?" And then the memories returned.

"It'll be the social event of the season," Kurt said encouragingly, but he could tell Blaine's mind had drifted and he panicked. "You don't want to go to prom with me?"

"No, no, of course I want to go with you, it's just…" Kurt pulled his hands away upset. _No excuses Blaine,_ he thought _, it's time. Let him in._ He took a deep breath. "Prom." The word was heavier than the weights he lifted in the gym. It held so much pain in it. So much hurt. He couldn't tell Kurt everything. But he could tell Kurt something.

"What about prom Blaine?" Kurt was upset, and Blaine knew he had every right to be. He lowered his eyes, shame pouring over him. He was sure Kurt thought that Blaine didn't want to be seen in such a public event with him. And although his fears of them being discovered were always on the surface, Blaine forced them away. That wasn't what was important now, he'd deal with that later on his own.

His stomach tied in knots as he thought back. It had been a horrible period in his life and he always tried to put the memories behind him, although it was never possible. "At my old school there was a Sadie Hawkins dance." Blaine glanced up at Kurt briefly, but it was too hard and he looked away, his eyes growing distant. "And, I had _just_ come out. So, I asked a friend of mine, the only other gay guy in the school. While we were waiting for his dad to pick us up, these three guys, um," The memories poured in and his brain told him to stop, but his heart told him he needed Kurt to know this. He found it very difficult to find the right words to describe what happened to him and his friend that night, but he finally finished. "Beat the living crap out of us." He looked up into Kurt's shocked and dismayed expression, and he was sure of only one thing. What happened when he returned home from the hospital to his father's anger was a story he never wanted Kurt to hear.

Kurt's eyes were full of love and sorrow when he heard the story from Blaine. "I'm so sorry."

But Blaine hadn't told Kurt for his sympathy, just his understanding. "I'm out and I'm proud and all that," he assured Kurt, "this is just a sore spot," he mumbled.

Kurt's face though grew excited and mischievous. "This is perfect. You couldn't face up to the bullies at your school so you can do it at mine." Despite everything, Kurt's optimism made Blaine smile, and he was forced to remember every reason he was willing to take the risks with Kurt. "We can do it together." Blaine took a sip from his drink and he marveled briefly at the similarities between Kurt and Nick. Despite their wisdom, they both still had a certain naiveté that came from growing up with hope, something that Blaine had lost long ago. Kurt must have suddenly realized it himself, because he continued. "But I have to say Blaine, if it makes you feel uncomfortable at all, we'll just forget about prom. We'll go to a movie instead."

Blaine looked at him in wonder. Kurt was willing to sacrifice so much for him when he had been so selfish and so distracted by his own needs. His heart was overwhelmed. "I am crazy about you."

"So, I'll take that as a yes?" Kurt said slowly and slyly.

There were going to be more things in the future that he wouldn't be able to give Kurt. But he could give Kurt this.

"Yes," Blaine conceded and Kurt squealed in delight, shooting out of his seat. "You and I are going to the Prom."

* * *

Blaine sat on the couch, legs crossed and arms folded. While he loved Kurt's outfit for prom, the truth was, it scared the hell out of him. It had been hard enough for him to agree to go to prom, and even harder to settle the deep set fear in his stomach that something was going to go horribly wrong. Kurt's kilt only added one more thing to stir the pot and like Kurt's father, it made him extremely nervous. Things like this had a way of making local news. And if that happened, his world would be over. But that was his issue, not Kurt's. Blaine Anderson did not back down from his choices, and he lived with the consequences of his actions. He would never make a decision to let his problems come in the way of Kurt's happiness.

"Just give him a minute," Burt said to Blaine after Kurt stormed off upstairs. "He'll come around."

"No he won't, sir. No offense, but Kurt is the most stubborn boy I know. Once he has something in his mind there is no changing it."

"That's definitely true," Burt nodded. "But going to prom with _you_ matters more than what he wears. He'll realize that."

"Dude," Finn said turning to Blaine. "What did Kurt mean, about what you've been through? I thought things at Dalton were cool?"

Blaine looked at Finn and panicked. He looked to Burt, who was staring at his newspaper but was clearly listening intently for Blaine's response. He started to sweat. He was angry at Kurt that he had brought that up in front of Burt and Finn. His secrets were his alone to share, and he had no desire for Kurt's brother and father to know about his personal life. "I'm going to go talk to Kurt."

Blaine slowly climbed the stairs to Kurt's room, where he found the door open and his boyfriend studying himself sadly in the mirror. He leaned against the doorway. "Kurt." His voice was soft, his eyes dark.

"I know Blaine," Kurt said rolling his eyes miserably watching himself and Blaine in the mirror. "What matters is that you're there with me, not what I wear. So if you want me to just wear a regular tuxedo, I'll just wear a regular tuxedo."

Blaine shook his head. "What matters is that I'm there with you, so please. I want you to wear what you want." His tone was dismissive and his face was grim. His eyes were distant though transfixed to Kurt. This wasn't the argument he needed to have.

Kurt must have realized that and he turned to Blaine, concerned. "Then what's the matter?"

Blaine glanced into the hallway, then stepped in the room and shut the door behind him. He kept the space between them. "Kurt, you know I'm a private person."

Blaine's voice was soft and Kurt answered in kind, nodding. "Of course."

Blaine's stomach twisted and he bit his lip as he struggled for the words. "You know I don't…easily…talk about my past…or my family," his voice caught in his throat and his eyes cast downward. "I don't tell people things."

"Like about being bullied?" Kurt whispered, taking a step forward.

Blaine nodded. "Yes, like about being bullied. Now, I realize that I need to start letting you in. But I can't do that if I can't trust that when I tell you something, it stays between us."

Blaine saw Kurt nod, then his eyes open wide. Recognition flooded over the boy and he nearly ran to Blaine. "Oh my god, Blaine, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about it! I was angry that you were all ganging up on me. I shouldn't have said what I did about the dance in front of Finn and Dad." Kurt went to hug Blaine, but Blaine stopped him.

"This is important to me Kurt," he said with tears in his eyes. "Really important. I need you to understand that."

Kurt looked at him with the blue-green oceans that Blaine loved to get lost in. He nodded firmly. "I understand, Blaine, truly I do. I'm so sorry." Kurt moved once more to hug Blaine and this time Blaine took him in his arms, holding him tightly, never ever wanting to let go. Prom terrified him, for so many reasons. But he didn't want to run away anymore. So he would face this with Kurt, and he would hope that the evening was everything that Kurt imagined and more.

* * *

Blaine picked up Kurt for prom at the Hummel house, looking extraordinarily dapper in his simple black tuxedo. As much as Kurt's outfit worried him, he had to admit that his boyfriend was the most beautiful man in the world. Kurt's smile lit up his face, as did Burt's and Carole's. He allowed himself one moment of envy, to dream of having a family this happy for their son's first prom with a boyfriend. Then he put it behind him. He was proud to be able to give this moment to Kurt and to his Dad. He happily took the hundred pictures that Carole had in mind, together, separate, with Mr. Hummel, with Carole, standing, sitting, even one kissing. When they posed on their way out the door, Blaine couldn't help but stare at Kurt adoringly.

"You look amazing," he blushed.

"You've said that a few times tonight," Kurt answered with a grin. "Not that I tire of hearing it in any way."

"I'm so happy to be able to make your dreams come true," he told Kurt, eyes sparkling. "And I'm so grateful that you care about me enough to make mine come true as well."

The two finally made it out the door with hugs and kisses from Burt and Carole, and they drove straight to McKinley. Finn had gone earlier to pick up Quinn, and he knew they were stopping by Breadsticks for a pre-prom meal. They had invited the pair, but this was a very special night for Kurt and his family, and they had agreed to spend the time before Prom with them.

Blaine had forgotten one thing about Prom, and that was that the entire night was rocking out with music. As soon as he heard New Directions and the band playing when they arrived, the fears that had crept up on the drive over settled and he lost himself in the music. He still had doubts about being at McKinley, and seeing Karofsky with Santana didn't help, but he and Kurt agreed to just stay in the back. They hadn't talked about it, but it seemed they hadn't needed to. They danced standing next to each other during the fast songs, but during ballads they just watched. Kurt was cognizant of Blaine's concern of stirring the pot, and no matter how hard Blaine tried, in those quiet moments, his fears quickly resurfaced. It was then that he looked around. He noticed the eyes on them, the whispers in their general direction, even some pointing. But no one said anything directly to them, and both boys took that as a good sign.

Blaine's time to sing came and he squeezed Kurt's hand as he went up on the stage. He had sung in front of these kids before, when he crooned to Kurt in the courtyard with the Warblers, but this was performing and he lost himself in it. Everything left his mind except the pure joy of singing and dancing. He forgot about the whispers, and the stares, and the fact that he wanted to dance with Kurt but was scared, and he just grabbed the mic and rocked the house. He could see Kurt dancing in the back and it made him smile even more as he put on some extra sexy moves just for him. They may not be able to satisfy their passions on the dance floor like others could, but there was always after prom, and he was going to use this number to his advantage.

When he finished he raced off the stage and back to Kurt's side. "Well?" he said wiggling his eyebrows, breathless and flush with exhilaration.

"You were so amazing Blaine that you caused a riot!" Kurt laughed.

"What?" Blaine's face scrunched with confusion.

"You didn't see? No of course you didn't, you lose yourself completely when you perform. Finn just got into a fight with Jesse, Rachel's date. Punched him right in the face after a pretty intense shoving match."

Blaine looked surprised looking around the room then back at Kurt. "Is Rachel ok? Your Dad and Carole are gonna flip."

Kurt looked at him with mischief in his eye. "Guess that means they won't be paying too much attention to us. I don't think that I will ever get over the things you do with microphones. Good thing I'm not the jealous type or I'd think you like them better than me."

Blaine looked at him, delight in his eyes, trying desperately to keep his hands off his boyfriend. "First of all you _are_ the jealous type and second of all, that microphone stand doesn't hold a candle to you."

"Aw, Blaine, you say the most romantic things," Kurt said sarcastically.

"Yeah, well, get used to it. I've got plenty more where that come from," he joked.

* * *

They waited for the Prom King and Queen to be announced. Neither was happy when Karofsky won Prom King. Blaine knew that Kurt was rooting for Lauren for Queen, and now that Karofsky was King, he did as well. He thought maybe Lauren would kick his ass.

"And now, your 2011 McKinley High Prom Queen, with an overwhelming number of write in votes is…Kurt Hummel."

It took a moment. It took a moment for the name to register in Blaine's ears, and travel to his brain. It took a moment for him to turn to Kurt and see the look of shock on his boyfriend's face. It took a moment for that shock to turn into humiliation as a single clap broke the silence in the gymnasium. And it took a moment for Kurt to run out of the room. Blaine had never realized before how much could happen in a moment.

"Kurt." He ran after him, he didn't care what anyone thought; the only thing that mattered was Kurt. "Stop, Kurt." He followed him out the door that slammed behind him and he followed him into the hallway as Kurt ran and cried. "Stop, Kurt, please," he called.

"I've never been so humiliated," Kurt sobbed as he ran.

"Just stop, come on," Blaine begged. Kurt finally hit an empty part of the school and he turned to Blaine, tears running down his face. The sight was devastating to Blaine.

"Don't you get how stupid we were?" Kurt yelled. "We thought because no one was teasing us or beating us up that no one cared. Like some kind of progress had been made. But it's still the same," he covered his face, unable to go on.

Blaine didn't know what to say. He had seen the whispers, the looks, the pointing. He had the dread the entire night of the wrong person seeing them. He knew that there were people who cared. He knew that people who hated them for loving each other were still out there. Soon enough, he would be going home to one. But none of that mattered to him now. The only thing that mattered in _this_ moment was making everything ok again for Kurt. "It's just a stupid joke," he said quietly, knowing that it didn't make a difference. Kurt's heart was broken, and he had no way to fix it.

"No it's not. All that hate, and they were just afraid to say it out loud. So they did it by secret ballot. I'm one big anonymous practical joke." Kurt's tears flowed even more heavily as he pushed past Blaine. Instinctively, Blaine grabbed Kurt's tuxedo sleeve and pulled him back to him.

"Don't walk away from me Kurt." Blaine's eyes were desperate to make things better. "Please," he begged. "We can do this together."

"Together?" Kurt yelled, his voice getting high. "This isn't about you Blaine, they didn't crown you Prom Queen. You think I didn't notice how afraid you were all night to even touch me?"

Kurt's words stung like a knife and he let go of Kurt's sleeve. He wished for just second that Kurt understood everything. "Kurt," he started. He had let Kurt down all night.

"God, I'm sorry Blaine. I didn't mean that. I mean I did, but you were right." Fear and humiliation and panic plagued Kurt's features and he nibbled on his nails and paced. "I'm not going back in there. No way." His eyes darted back and forth, glancing briefly at the hallway back to the dance.

Blaine watched him for a minute then walked over to the lockers. "Come on try to relax," he urged as he sat down himself against the locker. Kurt was too worked up and continued to pace. Blaine watched him for a minute. He recognized the caged look in Kurt's eyes, he'd been there before, hurt by what others had done to him, pacing the floor weighing his options. The shame, and the fear, and the sadness always caused him to make the wrong decisions at first. Nick had talked him down plenty of times at Dalton. At home and at his old school, he'd been on his own. But it was much harder to watch someone else go through it, especially someone he cared about as much as he did Kurt. He understood one thing. He had to get Kurt to talk. If Kurt could talk himself through this, he would find his answer.

"Would you at least sit down," he tried again. Kurt said nothing, continuing to walk the floor. "Do you want to go? We don't have to go back in there."

That was what Kurt needed to turn back around and Blaine knew it. Blaine was the runner. Not Kurt. It was what the one thing that he admired about Kurt more than anything else in the world.

"Wasn't this prom supposed to be about redemption? About taking away that lump you had in your throat from running away." Blaine closed his eyes and looked away. Kurt didn't know that his lump would never go away. "If we leave all it's gonna do is give me a lump too."

He looked back at Kurt. "So what do you want to do?" he asked quietly.

Blaine watched as Kurt looked down the hallway and contemplated his options. When Kurt made his decision, he couldn't have been more proud of anyone than he was of Kurt in that moment. "I'm gonna go back in there and get coroneted." Blaine's heart swelled with admiration as Kurt walked toward him. "I'm going to show them that it doesn't matter if they are yelling at me or whispering behind my back, they can't touch me." As Kurt knelt down beside Blaine he leaned forward. "They can't touch us or what we have."

Blaine reached over and touched Kurt's cheek. "I want to kiss you right now," he whispered.

"Then do it," Kurt whispered back.

Blaine closed his eyes, not allowing himself to look around to make sure no one was watching. He very gently leaned forward, and kissed Kurt softly on the lips. Kurt returned the kiss, neither doing more than just brushing the soft surface, but it was enough.

Blaine then reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of tissues, letting Kurt take one. As Kurt dried his tears, he got up and brushed off his tuxedo, watching as Kurt took a deep breath. He held a hand out and smiled at the most remarkable boy in the world, offering every ounce of strength and courage he could muster. "Are you ready for this?" Kurt grabbed his hand and pulled himself up. Together they walked back to the gymnasium, and Blaine let go of his hand as they reached the door. "I'll be out there for you," he said.

Kurt made his way inside alone and Blaine went looking for the only person he could think of who could help them. He passed Artie and found her in the hallway outside her office, heading back to the gymnasium. He jogged up and he fell into stride with her as she walked back to the dance.

"Coach Sylvester, do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?" he asked.

"Sure, Porcelein's Boyfriend, what can I do for you? Porcelein ok? I heard about what happened."

Blaine nodded. "He's ok and I'd like to keep it that way." The two walked inside the gymnasium and they both took a minute to see Kurt crowned. When the crowd cheered for him, Blaine smiled.

Sue stopped and placed her hands on her hips. "What do have in mind?"

"You work for the local news station right? A story like this would be a hot one," Blaine said knowingly, indicating toward Kurt.

"That's true, Boyfriend," Sue said thoughtfully.

"Keep it off the air," Blaine said strongly. Sue looked down at him, considering. "Please," he implored her.

She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed slightly. "I'll do what I can," she promised. She glanced over to where Kurt was gone from the stage and searched him out. "Looks like your boyfriend might need a little help," she advised him with a nod in Kurt's direction and a twinkle in her eye. As soon as Blaine looked over, she disappeared.

Blaine made his way forward and watched as Karofsky and Kurt walked off the stage and onto the dance floor. The girls started singing and he saw David walk away from Kurt and leave him by himself. Kurt looked around, once again horrified, and Blaine rushed over. He had done the best he could for Kurt tonight, damn whatever consequences there might be, and there was no way he was leaving Kurt on that dance floor alone. "Excuse me," he said and Kurt turned to him surprised. "May I have this dance?" He reached a hand out to him, nervous, but sure. Right here, right now, this was where he belonged.

Kurt looked around at all eyes on them, and he turned back to Blaine, smiling with relief and love. "Yes," he whispered. "Yes you may."

Blaine took him in his arms and they danced, tentative at first, then with growing confidence. Blaine thought back to his Sadie Hawkins dance at school and all the dances he had been to since, at the country clubs and the base, forced to dance with everyone's daughter. As Rachel and other members of the New Directions joined in, followed by everyone else at the school, he felt the lump in his throat lessen. It wasn't gone yet, not by any means, but this was one obstacle he had faced and survived. And if he could do this with Kurt by his side, maybe in time he could face everything else as well. Taking their pictures, dancing together, singing _Dancing Queen_ to Kurt, he felt freedom outside the safe walls of Dalton for the first time. Summer was coming, and it was going to be both wonderful and terrifying at the same time. But he knew one thing. With Kurt by his side, he was done running away.


End file.
